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(02/27/13 12:39am)
OK, I have spent the last four years of my life working in the restaurant business. It started when I was 16 and was a busboy for a Wisconsin restaurant chain in my hometown. The next year, I got a job as a host at a different chain restaurant, and the following two years I have worked as a waiter in a restaurant here in Madison. I have learned a lot in my experiences, and I’d love to share them with my future customers, co-workers and people that give crappy reviews on Yelp even if they never ate at the restaurant.
(02/12/13 5:23am)
In the past week, news came out that people are angered at the new Florida Business logo for using a tie as the “I” in the word “Florida.” In the past two weeks, people were angered by 49ers cornerback Chris Culliver’s anti-gay comments. In the past month, people were angered by the NECA toy company for making dolls based on the popular film “Django Unchained” because they were “slave dolls” and inherently racist.
(02/05/13 3:39am)
I have no reason to hate police officers. I have no criminal record. However, I had one run-in with the police that turned me off of local law enforcement forever.
(01/29/13 1:32am)
For this upcoming article, would all my esteemed readers please imagine Damian Lewis reading this in his normal voice.
(12/04/12 3:36am)
I think of myself as a smart person (stop laughing), but no matter what, there will be things I just cannot and will never comprehend.
(11/20/12 2:57am)
Cards on the table, I might be the most awkward person in the world. My awkwardness isn’t even Michael Cera in “Arrested Development” funny, it’s more Michael Cera in real life sad. What I’m offering to you all today is the excruciatingly embarrassing vignettes that make up my life; enjoy my pain.
(11/13/12 5:15am)
“Living in the streets? Tired of the same old gun fights, same old guns? Want to meet interesting people, and then kill those interesting people? Then you would be a perfect evil henchman!”
(11/12/12 3:06am)
Is it just me, or does the Republican party make no sense?
(11/06/12 3:01am)
Dan Deacon's spirit animal is a human being; however his music is anything but ordinary. Deacon has transformed his music from glitchy to syncopated, and on his new album America, beautiful. In an interview he credited They Might Be Giants, his roots in the high school band, and the need to make music lest he go insane amongst his reasons for becoming a musician. Tonight he takes Madison by electronic storm.
(10/30/12 4:02am)
There’s a weird stigma with online dating. We assume that couples that meet online can’t find people in real life to date, we assume that people lie online all the time about important information, and we assume that we’re better than online dating. However, recent statistics have stated that one in six relationships have started online. Match.com and eHarmony promise serious relationships for those that have tried and failed with everything else. But what about the casual dater? The casual dater goes to OKCupid, the fastest-growing internet dating service in the universe. I decided to explore this website and find out what questions they use to find out who could be my soulmate.
(10/23/12 4:25am)
All-nighters are something that every college student has done: the paper that needs to get in on time, the huge midterm the next day, the marathon of Arrested Development… it’s all the same. But something strange happens during an all-nighter, and by strange I mean something that is totally reasonable and expected happens and you just have to deal; the weird thoughts. An all-nighter has the same shape of a good three-act story: It has a strong beginning, a very long middle, and an end that seemingly comes out of nowhere. One has to be proud of the work they did after the all-nighter, although more likely than not its complete shit, but when they think upon the thoughts they had during the night they shudder. I have for you today a detailed account of my last all-nighter. Please enjoy my pain.
(10/09/12 5:08am)
Oh leap year, I remember when you were so cool. We got that extra day, I celebrated my friend Bryce’s rare birthday (he’s 5 now) and we spent a whole year making frog jokes (well we did when I was in the third grade). But now that I’ve turned 20 years, Leap Years are only synonymous with one thing: the presidential election. And oh my God I am tired of it.
(10/02/12 11:11pm)
Liking sports is an anomaly. Why do we care so much about people that don’t know who we are and get paid millions of dollars to play a game? Why do we have these irrational notions that all people from Boston are pompous assholes and all New Yorkers cheat just because of the Red Sox and Yankees? How can someone care more about how an oblong-shaped ball bounces after a kickoff then the upcoming election? But the serious question here is how could someone ask such stupid questions when the obvious answer is because sports are awesome, and I can prove it.
(09/27/12 4:03pm)
Before I explain my point, I want to tell you all a story. It’s about a six-year-old that loved going to summer camp (as most Jewish children do). He loved the games of dodgeball, the bug juice and the climbing wall. But what he loved most of all was his counselors. His counselors were so knowledgeable and funny and could always stop a fight between kindergarteners. This child loved his counselors so much that he went back to camp the next summer, and the next and the next until he turned 16. The next two summers he got jobs bagging groceries (because that is what teenagers do).
(09/18/12 2:10am)
Dear college freshman,
(09/05/12 2:00am)
Let’s get this straight. This isn’t a love for the Food Network where I watch a couple shows and call it a night. Oh no, it goes much deeper than that. I live the Food Network. I follow Alton Brown, Giada De Laurentiis and Bobby Flay on Twitter. I vote for the Next Food Network Star. I don’t cheer for certain contestants in Chopped but rather Geoffrey Zakarian giving a snarky comment on how well-done the beef was. And I might be the only guy in America that loves Guy Fieri unironically (seriously, the dude is hilarious). If you don’t watch the channel then you probably don’t understand my addiction, but if you do could you please schedule my intervention ahead of time so I know when to miss it?
(03/28/12 12:26am)
We get it. Snooki’s due date is right around the end of the world as predicted by the Mayans. Justin Bieber looks like a lesbian. Lady Gaga wears weird clothing. We get it. We get the fact that you want to make fun of these people, that you want to suggest another athlete Kim Kardashian should date, that you cannot believe Lindsay Lohan can do lines of cocaine but not lines on “Saturday Night Live,” that you think the cast of “Jersey Shore” must have herpes by now. We get it. Think before you slander someone or something. No, this is not me appealing to your moral side and asking you not to make fun of people. This is a plea for everyone to stop making fun of easy targets.
(03/19/12 11:56pm)
Who would you want to play you if your life was a movie?
(03/13/12 1:03am)
Welcome young knight to your quest. Your objective is to find the fair maiden. You will have to muddle your way through dangerous traps, high heat and your love of whiskey to find said maiden. But be careful journeyer—not everything is at it seems. What may appear to be a fair maiden could actually be an evil entity trying to convince you otherwise. So without further ado:
(09/28/07 6:00am)
The University of Wisconsin boasts the women's NCAA championship
hockey team and the nation's ninth-ranked football team.
Shamefully, Chancellor Wiley has chosen to disgrace our world-class
athletes by providing them with uniforms sewn in sweatshops.