There’s a weird stigma with online dating. We assume that couples that meet online can’t find people in real life to date, we assume that people lie online all the time about important information, and we assume that we’re better than online dating. However, recent statistics have stated that one in six relationships have started online. Match.com and eHarmony promise serious relationships for those that have tried and failed with everything else. But what about the casual dater? The casual dater goes to OKCupid, the fastest-growing internet dating service in the universe. I decided to explore this website and find out what questions they use to find out who could be my soulmate.
With every question they ask you for your answer, the answer you’ll accept from someone else and how relevant (irrelevant, a little important, somewhat important, very important, mandatory) this question is to you. So, let’s get into it.
Regardless of future plans, what’s more interesting to you right now? Sex or true love.
Alright, so they get right down to it with their first question. I guess to really get involved in this site you need to answer it, but hell if this isn’t an awkward way to say “what do you want?” Answer: true love. Answer I’ll accept: true love. Relevance: a little important.
How willing are you to meet someone from OKCupid in person? Totally willing, hesitant or I’m not interested in meeting in person.
Yes I am joining an online dating site because I never want to meet anyone in real life ever. Answer: totally willing. Answer I’ll accept: totally willing. Relevance: mandatory.
Which would you rather be? Normal or weird.
This is a confusing question. I’m usually all for being weird, but I’m afraid that if I tell people I’m weird then they’ll judge me. Furthermore, if I want to meet someone weird they might be reallllllly weird (like someone that loves “Gossip Girl” weird), but if I choose normal then they might not have any personality. Answer: weird. Answer I’ll accept: weird. Relevance: somewhat important.
Would you strongly prefer to go out with someone of your own skin color/racial background, Yes or no?
I am not racist. No, No, Mandatory.
Would you consider sleeping with someone on the first date, yes or no?
Love this question not because of my answer but because I can judge the answers of others. Yes, Yes, Somewhat important.
Are you happy with your life? Yes or no.
Holy shit OKCupid, just lay that existential question on me. Lull me with all this date stuff and then get into a question that many online daters have to answer. Again, this is a question that my answer isn’t as interesting as the one from my potential suitors; do I go for a happy person that doesn’t need me or for a sad person that would need me? Wow, that is a sociopathic plan, see what you do to me OKCupid!?! Yes, Yes, Mandatory.
What is the most exciting thing about getting to know someone new? Discovering your shared interests or discovering their body.
This is one creepy question OKCupid. Discovering shared interests, Discovering shared interests, Mandatory.
How important is religion/God in your life? Extremely important, somewhat important, not very important, not at all important.
I guess religion is important to some people, but once again this is supposed to be a low-key dating site. You haven’t even asked me what religion I am, but like an earlier question, I do not judge people based on their religion. Not very important, Not at all important, Irrelevant.
Do you enjoy discussing politics? Yes or no.
Finally a question that I really care about. No, No, Mandatory. (Politics suck.)
In a certain light, wouldn’t nuclear war be exciting? Yes it would or no it wouldn’t.
Seriously OKCupid!?! How is this a question? How can anyone be like, “oh yeah, a nuclear war, that’d be awesome. I hope that happens soon.” I would not want to meet anyone that thinks that way and I don’t think I ever will. No, No, Mandatory.
Alright OKCupid, in the first 10 questions you’ve already asked me if I’d rather be normal or weird, if I’m happy, and if religion or race matters to me. Dafuq OKCupid? I thought you were cool and the questions would be about my favorite super power (invisibility, duh), or which Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle I most closely align with (Michelangelo). But instead I had to look deep inside myself and try to take something for fun seriously. Guess I’ll have to find true love the old fashioned way, by buying a mail-order Russian bride.
Do you believe someone must love bombs to be date-able? Tell Michael why at mvoloshin@wisc.edu.
