OK, I have spent the last four years of my life working in the restaurant business. It started when I was 16 and was a busboy for a Wisconsin restaurant chain in my hometown. The next year, I got a job as a host at a different chain restaurant, and the following two years I have worked as a waiter in a restaurant here in Madison. I have learned a lot in my experiences, and I’d love to share them with my future customers, co-workers and people that give crappy reviews on Yelp even if they never ate at the restaurant.
Here’s a question I get a lot: Why does my waiter smell like an ashtray? Well it’s quite simple (and stupid); at restaurants employees work weird hours and will do anything to catch a break from the hectic bustling of serving tables. And since the state requires businesses respect smoking breaks, many waiters will pick up smoking to get five minutes to themselves. As a non-smoker, I can’t stand smelling cigarette smoke near my food, and I also respect waiters and bartenders who are busy but take their “mandatory breaks” less than those that work consistently. Hey, I know you want to text your friend what your plans are after the night, but just go in the bathroom like a normal person and do it.
On the topic of waiters, we are the worst. Since most waiters only get paid by tips, (waiters actually make an hourly wage of $2.33 per hour, but most of it is taken by taxes [stupid government, what have you ever done for me?]), they will do anything to get a few extra dollars. Waiters will steal tables from coworkers, they will always recommend the most expensive dish on the menu, and they will cater your every need just at the prospect of a 20 percent tip.
But here’s the thing, a 20 percent tip isn’t that much for what the waiter is doing. While a customer is at a table, the waiter is getting them waters, bringing over drinks, taking orders, refilling waters, bringing them food, getting pepper or parmesan cheese for the table, checking up on the table, boxing up the food, bringing over the dessert menu, and then giving the bill. It’s a lot of work for a table that could spend as little as $40, the least a customer could do is reward the waiter for caring so much, because once again, that’s all the waiter gets paid with.
There’s a saying, “if you can’t afford to tip, you can’t afford to eat out.” (Sidenote: The reason why waiters have a certain wage that is below minimum wage is to keep food costs down; if waiters were paid minimum wage then that $8 burger you’re eating would cost about $14. You don’t want that).
However, I think everyone should be a waiter for at least a few months to learn one crucial skill: humility. As a waiter, you are the face to the customer. They don’t know who’s in the kitchen, who’s expediting, who’s the manager and who’s the bartender. So whenever one of these people screws up, you’re the one that has to apologize. “I’m sorry that your food had a gray hair in it, let me go fix that!” I say smiling, while contemplating where I hide the body of the cook (also wondering how a gray hair got in the food when all the cooks have black hair while the customer has gray, hm…).
Working in a restaurant is a sweaty, agonizing, stressful experience, but I and many other people like it. I’ve always said the best job during college is working at a restaurant because you can just work over the weekends and make a good amount of money. So next time you want to bitch out your waiter for forgetting to refill your waters, just know that they are doing 50 other things at once. Oh, and they’re also handling your food. Enjoy.
Share your worst restaurant experience with Michael by emailing mvoloshin@wisc.edu.
