This week's episode is all about the intersection of race at UW.
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Check out this episode of "Almanac the Podcast," where we create our own transition resources for first-year students called "MadisonWise."
Check out our first installment of "Almanac the Podcast," where we will celebrate Earth Day by sharing our favorite sustainability tips and tricks.
Local political crusader Sydney Becky McAmanda has been superfluously active on Twitter as of late, claiming she has single-handedly discovered the source of mankind’s evil after a recent drunken jaunt to the local Chipotle. Ms. McAmanda took to Twitter at approximately 3:13am on Tuesday morning, minutes after arriving home at her trendy sorority co-op community housing house.
As winter rages onward and all of us question the ever-trustworthy rodent who this year predicted an early spring, snow continues to blanket our fair city in ridiculous quantities. Because Wisconsin has decided to make up for the past three years of snowlessness by dumping it all on us at once, Almanac has decided to share some of its collective, snow-proof wisdom with its loyal readers:
NASTY is branded across my forehead
Tuesday saw a record turnout at polls across Wisconsin and ended up flipping the House in favor of Democrats and the Senate in favor of Republicans. Wednesday morning saw the confirmation of Democratic candidate Tony Evers, ousting the incumbent Scott Walker and causing him to have what witnesses called a “fussy fussy temper tantrum” shortly before calling his mom and blubbering into the phone.
I will begin this review with a disclaimer: I’d never listened to Greta Van Fleet before I heard this album. I was going into it with an open mind — music-savvy friends had shown me snippets of singles the band had released over the past couple years, and I wasn’t interested in knowing them any better. I came upon Anthem of the Peaceful Army hoping to have my mind changed.
Sun Prairie suburbian John McGeneric was very frustrated Monday afternoon when lane closures on the US 12/18 beltline caused him to detour through downtown Madison during rush hour. He sat, frustrated, with his fingers aggressively tapping the steering wheel to the beat of Don McLean’s “American Pie” as he scanned the wall of cars in front of him inexplicably stopped.
Despite the fact that Batman has repeatedly and single-handedly saved Gotham City from many unimaginable perils, the Gotham City police department Commissioner James Gordon announced Wednesday the city’s intentions to shun Batman.
Urban Outfitters made an exciting announcement over the weekend, gaining the attention of hipsters across the world. The brand has secured an exclusive phonograph patent, allowing them to manufacture their own 19th century phonograph replicas to sell in stores.
A disgruntled Starbucks factory employee set the coffee company’s main distribution center in Kent, Washington aflame on Thursday. Luckily for the company, Yankee Candle CEO Hope Margala happened to be passing by the factory on the highway as it was engulfed in flames. Not 12 hours after the frantic call for help to Kent police, Starbucks was proud to announce its partnership with Yankee Candle in their production of a brand-new fall scent, “Flaming Pumpkin Spice."
In a statement last Friday released by the White House, President Trump plans to host all future press conferences regarding Special Counsel Robert Mueller and the trial of Paul Manafort from his local Chili’s restaurant. This is part of a series of last-ditch efforts by the Trump administration to appeal to younger voters as primaries loom on the horizon.
“Yup, it’s true,” said U-Haul representative Hank Van Box on Sunday morning. “The company now wants people to pre-order the secret link that is emailed out for movers to pre-register for the launch of the registration site for 2019’s moving week. If you want a truck in the greater Midwest area, that is.”
In the wake of United’s latest predictable scandal, passengers on United flight 42069 staged a protest Monday afternoon; at approximately 12:49pm Central Time, passengers rose from their seats, formed a single-file line (picket signs in hand) and shuffled to the emergency exit doors, and, with the help of those seated in the exit row, opened the emergency doors and inevitably plunged to their deaths below.
Reports that Mother Earth has been planning to oust the human race have been appearing more and more frequently in The Daily Cardinal office. Upon hearing these outlandish claims, Cardinal correspondents were sent to the International Space Station to request a comment from our home planet.
As a decorated war hero was set to return to his home country after many ongoing years of relentlessly brutal combat, only to realize that his return home would not be as simple as he had expected.
Local restaurant patron Pruett Tencious was utterly disappointed when he found his Olive Garden waitress to be unimpressed by his comically exaggerated pronunciations of menu items. He’d hoped that his elementary understanding of the Italian language would’ve impressed the staff, despite the fact that Olive Garden is an entirely American franchise with no connection to what Mr. Tencious erroneously calls “la motherlanda”.
The latest volume in the Trump Anthology of Scandals has prompted the president to take some time away from all the hard work he doesn’t do to spend some time with his youngest son, Barron. Having completely given up on improving the state of his union to First Lady Melania Trump amidst his latest allegations of extramarital sexual deviance, President Trump announced on Monday his intent to bond with his son through online gaming.