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Wednesday, February 21, 2024
Yankee’s new scent features real photos of the fire as it ravaged the factory.

Yankee’s new scent features real photos of the fire as it ravaged the factory.

Spontaneous arson by disgruntled employee inspires Yankee Candle scent

All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.

A disgruntled Starbucks factory employee set the coffee company’s main distribution center in Kent, Washington aflame on Thursday. Luckily for the company, Yankee Candle CEO Hope Margala happened to be passing by the factory on the highway as it was engulfed in flames. Not 12 hours after the frantic call for help to Kent police, Starbucks was proud to announce its partnership with Yankee Candle in their production of a brand-new fall scent, “Flaming Pumpkin Spice."

“They’re in prime PSL season right now,” Margala responded to an email from Cardinal Correspondents on Friday. “When I drove by and saw the factory burning to the ground, I smelled the most amazing scent I’ve ever smelled. I realized it was the Pumpkin Spice syrup!”

With hints of melting plastic, roasted nutmeg and burning sugar, it has been described as Yankee Candle’s hottest release since their trademark variety “Clean Cotton." Having been on the market for less than a week and already yielding profits upwards of a billion for both companies involved, “Flaming Pumpkin Spice” is rumored to be in the process of endorsement by several rich people.

“Oh, Kev wasn’t even mad at me about it. He was actually really excited to get started on our collaboration,” Margala continued in her email. “Oh, the factory workers? I don’t know what happened to them. Kevin and I have both been so busy launching the new product. Maybe you should ask HR about that.”

With the limited product’s popularity surging by the hour, its continuity was brought into question in the correspondence with Margala, who included a shrugging emoji, followed by three fall leaves, a dancing girl, a laughing-crying face and a poop symbol. 

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