A personal understatement, if you ask Jon
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I've never really understood country music. I'm not exactly sure what a honky-tonk bar is, but I'm pretty sure that if one burned down, nobody would care. However, recently I was lucky enough to receive a sneak peek into the gritty underworld of country music and its stars.
What are some things that I should know if I am going to get my clit pierced? I have been hearing a lot about [genital piercings] lately, and it's something I have been thinking about. I found some stuff on the Internet, but I am not sure what is right and what isn't, so do you have any advice?
Unless you are illiterate, live in the center of the Earth, or are my whorish ex-girlfriend Sherry, then you most certainly heard about the tale of little Falcon Heene: the boy who had America holding its collective breath at the end of last week. For a few gripping hours, authorities believed the child had climbed inside a large weather balloon the family built, and had set sail almost 7,000 feet above the Earth. As it turns out, the family likely faked the whole ordeal as a publicity stunt to get their own TV show.
In his column On Oct. 1, sports columnist Ben Breiner blamed the empty student section on apathetic students. ""Wisconsin's student fan culture does not give a crap about the football game,"" he wrote. I disagree. It's not that the students don't care about the game, they are late because they care about beer more.
Hours after Badger fans left Camp Randall following the Homecoming game Saturday, student volunteers remained, ""clearing the bowl"" of trash left behind.
While perusing through the old Daily Cardinal bounds the other day, I happened upon a quite extraordinary find. In one of the first issues of The Daily Cardinal (circa 1892), I discovered the original application form for a Page Two columnist! My, how the times have changed... I don't think I would have made the cut back then. Here's the application, reprinted in modern English for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy!
Has your life gotten so pathetic that the only bright spot to your day was looking down into the toilet and realizing you just shit in the shape of the first letter of your name? Is your existence so sad that you spend one day out of the week writing a Page 2 column about how your ex-girlfriend is a two-timing whore? These problems clearly aren't mine, but a close friend of mine (we'll call him Jon S. to preserve anonymity) recently expressed these concerns and said he's a bit down in the dumps. And how can't he be? The guy sounds pathetic.
At UW-Madison, we are incredibly lucky to have one of the most endearing mascots in all of sports: Buckingham U. Badger. Bucky is the very face of this university, whether he is pumping up the crowd at a Badger football game, celebrating with students during the All Campus Party or sharing a drag off of a cigarette with a local Madison teenager. I was lucky enough to sit down with Bucky to ask him a few questions about being the most important mammal in Madison.
Ever think you're the only one laughing at your jokes in chem lab? Ever think that maybe that question you asked was, in fact, not burning through anyone else's skull during your anthro lecture? Congratulations—you may be ""that guy"" in your classes.
For the duration of my undergraduate career at UW-Madison, one conspicuous student organization has stood on the sidelines during crucial social justice battles and even occasionally joined the other team in limiting the score of righteous, progressive endeavors. What's worse, this group has concerned itself more with the résumés of its leadership than its espoused agenda. Despite the instinctual sympathy that most students have for its nationally recognized name, its do-nothing approach has precluded the formation of a large active membership; the group invariably withers into conservatism, futility and phoniness as each year progresses.
By now, I'm sure you all know some of the major Madison hotspots, including the Memorial Terrace, Bascom Hill and wherever I may be at a given time on campus. However, I'm willing to give away some of the lesser-known hotspots on campus free of charge! Here goes:
Now, I'm not one to claim I can foresee the future. I'm certainly no psychic, but I did watch two episodes of ""Crossing over with Jonathan Edwards"" once. I also totally called that Lance Bass was gay. Swish!
It's no secret: UW-Madison attracts such a broad and diverse array of collegiate students for its promising educational opportunities, incredible international achievements, indelible sports legacy and a perfect city to spend four or five years. However, the same fair city that attracts thousands of college applicants every year is attracting other, less appealing aspects—namely growing crime and safety concerns.