At UW-Madison, we are incredibly lucky to have one of the most endearing mascots in all of sports: Buckingham U. Badger. Bucky is the very face of this university, whether he is pumping up the crowd at a Badger football game, celebrating with students during the All Campus Party or sharing a drag off of a cigarette with a local Madison teenager. I was lucky enough to sit down with Bucky to ask him a few questions about being the most important mammal in Madison.
(Note: Interview edited due to language, violence and brief nudity. Also, Bucky spent most of the interview smoking about a half a pack of cigarettes and taking the occasional dose of one of the several pills he brought along.)
Me: Bucky, what's the hardest part of your job as mascot of UW-Madison?
Bucky: Well, I know this Bucky... well, I knew this Bucky...he's dead. Had a hell of a run. Couldn't take the pressures of the job. Hell, I can barely take em (at this point in the interview, Bucky takes about three pills out of one of his pill bottles and swallows them down with a swig out of a flask full of whiskey).
Me: Uh, pressures? What exactly are you talking about?
Bucky: About having to be such a [expletive deleted] role model all the time. Let me put it this way: If I have to high-five one more damn toddler, I'm going to [expletive deleted] maul someone. The only good thing is that sometimes the parents slip me a ten-spot or a Jackson to get their kid to appear on the Jumbotron during football or basketball games. Yeah, I'd say I'm 90 percent in this gig for the money.
(At this point in the interview, Bucky takes another large swig out of his flask, throws it at a woman and her newborn child walking by, and proceeds to put out his cigarette on my forearm).
Me: (Ahem) Let's, uh... moving on. What exactly are those pills you are taking?
Bucky: Ah, come on, can't a guy just relax once in a while? The pressure man, the pressure, the guy before me, he just let the pressure get to him and he couldn't handle it. Good guy, though. Hell of a bass. I learned my lesson from him though: Never mix and match your liquors...
Me: Right... So Bucky, you didn't come out on top in the Capital One Mascot Challenge. Why do you think you came up short in the end?
Bucky: Me come up short?! It was the [expletive deleted] fans who were too [expletive deleted] lazy to vote me into the finals! I tell ya...they're active enough to command me to do 42 push-ups on a gameday Saturday, but they are too [expletive deleted] lazy to get online and vote for me in the mascot challenge! ""Oh yeah Bucky, do some pushups! We scored!"" You do some goddamned pushups, it's 130 degrees Celsius in this [expletive deleted] suit. And I had big money on that mascot contest... lost a lot of cash betting on myself in that thing... [expletive deleted].
Me: Okay Bucky... so you just admitted that you've bet on the Capital One Mascot Challenge, been bribed by parents to get their kids on the Jumbotron at home games and gotten addicted to painkillers Are you worried that all of your vices will ruin your legacy?
Bucky: What legacy? I'm an overweight, balding, washed-up rodent who wears a damn striped sweater with no pants on... please kill me.
(Note: It was at this point in the interview that Bucky passed out, likely from taking too many painkillers in a short amount of time. I poked him with a stick for a couple of minutes, got tired and left him there. I'm sure everything is fine).
Have you seen Bucky passed out in a dumpster, smelling of urine and some cheap wine? Let Jon know where to find him by sending an e-mail to spike@wisc.edu.
