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(03/13/03 6:00am)
Little Samantha Hodges, a fourth grader at Midvale Elementary,
was taken out of class to go to the \Books Not Bombs"" protest at
the Capitol. This was the decision of her parents, both ardent
anti-war supporters, who saw this as an opportunity to relive the
day when they protested the Grenada invasion of 1982. Not to
mention that their cause would get full attention if they brought a
cute little girl to the protest.
(03/06/03 6:00am)
If you told me that a disheveled man would be sitting next to me
on a Monday afternoon in the Eagan public library explaining to me
how a planet named X would be entering our solar system in 73 days
and how NASA is trying to kill off everyone who knows the truth
(hence, the Columbia explosion), all of this while I'm in a
drug-induced haze, I would be a tad skeptical.
(02/27/03 6:00am)
Today, Mike Jones is declaring his intent to forego his senior
season and enter the NBA Draft.
(02/20/03 6:00am)
Former mayoral candidate Will Sandstrom has been saying that the
Russian Mafia is infiltrating the streets of Madison, claiming that
they will soon take over this fair city of ours (along with the
chinks, the spics and pretty much any other racially diverse group
that he could slur against). I think that Mr. Sandstrom is flipping
his Finnish grandmother-like wig. Even if the Russian Mafia were
making a bid to run our city, they would have to deal with the most
insidious, vile organized racket that has held the city since I
came here in the fall of 2000. They strike without warning and if
they don't go after you, they'll go after your mother, father,
neighbor, roommate or even that hippie that you bought the slice of
pizza from at Ian's. And quite honestly, the Russian Mafia has
nothing on this crew. They, of course, are...
(02/06/03 6:00am)
Crikey! Welcome back to the Collegiate Hunter. I'm your host,
Mike Jones, and today I am traveling to one of the most dangerous
places a college student can venture. A place where the strong prey
on the weak, and the only way one can survive is to adapt and
travel in herds. I'm, of course, talking about Grainger
Hall!
(01/30/03 6:00am)
While you read this, remember that I have many friends from
Illinois who are good men and women and who have humility and a
quiet dignity.
(01/23/03 6:00am)
Remember when you were in elementary school, and on the first
day of class, your teacher would hand you a textbook, telling you
to take good care of it or you would pay for it? And you shrugged
off that warning like the warning to not blow into your Nintendo
games?
(01/21/03 6:00am)
Pop quiz, name the only undefeated team on the University of
Wisconsin campus. Men's basketball? Try again. How about women's
hockey? Nope. If you said wrestling, then you guessed correctly ...
and luckily. While most of us spent winter break catching up on our
sleep, the only undefeated team on this campus has been compiling
an 8-0 record and a No. 17 ranking, according to the wrestling
publication, InterMat.
(12/05/02 6:00am)
It's my last column for this semester, and I am scrounging for
ideas on what to bitch about. Usually, my process begins by asking
myself: \What pisses me off this week?"" and I just run with
it.
(11/14/02 6:00am)
After the football game Saturday, I was walking down State
Street for a mid-afternoon burrito and a chance to watch some fool
dance to hippie bongos by the Towers. I looked around and saw
drunken parents stumbling out of Brats, child around their arm,
slurring words about what college was like \back in the day,"" when
you could take a ferry to Ogdenville for a bee (while wearing an
onion, which was the style back in those days).
(11/07/02 6:00am)
Kids these days just don't know anything. I base this statement
solely on the one thing that should always unite a generation of
children all across America: cartoons. And not cable cartoons,
network cartoons. Children can grow up in different environments,
with different circumstances, but they all watch the same cartoons.
There is no good reason a child should get up at 7 a.m. on a
Saturday except to sit down on the couch and vegetate for five
straight hours.
(10/31/02 6:00am)
Campaign officials confirmed the victims as Wellstone's wife,
Sheila, and daughter, Marcia, campaign staff members Will
McLaughlin, Tom Lapic and Mary McEvoy and two unidentified
pilots.
(10/24/02 6:00am)
So there I was, relaxing at the Rathskeller after completing a
midterm. A Spotted Cow in one hand and a copy of the Onion in the
other. Now, the Rathskeller is probably not one of the best places
to hold a private conversation due to the structure of the place,
which allows conversations to be easily overheard. As it so
happened, I overheard two ladies converse about the racial incident
that occurred over at Witte. A black housefellow was told to go
home because he was a
(10/17/02 6:00am)
In case you were wondering, I had a wonderful weekend. Strokes
concert, fire alarms and stealing kegs from inferior journalists
who can't hold their booze'I have to say that this was one of the
best weekends of my life.
(10/10/02 6:00am)
Ask any student why college is considered one of the greatest
experiences in their life, and they will all give you the same
answer: a fast Internet connection to download porn.
(10/03/02 6:00am)
Well folks, I'm back. After being ambushed by a certain
hyperbolic sports editor and his hetero-lifemate, I felt a little
slighted.
(09/19/02 6:00am)
The Dell computer guy must die. He must die now. And it cannot
be a quick death. It must be slow and painful, extremely slow and
painful. And unusual too. Maybe he could be run over by a BMW.
Maybe he can be bled to death by tiny cuts all over his body. But
he must die.
(09/12/02 6:00am)
I'm usually a sarcastic jerk in this column, so this time, I
wanted to talk about the good deeds people did in the face of
adversity. I wanted to write about the brave men and women who are
protecting us both home and abroad. In other words, I really wanted
to write a positive column this time.
(09/05/02 6:00am)
Chalk. The multicolored set of utensils used to liven up streets
occupied by little children. That or else to annoy the bejesus out
of every person that happens to look down as they walk on any
sidewalk on this campus.
(09/03/02 6:00am)
How was your summer?\ These four words make me cringe every time
I face this question.