It's my last column for this semester, and I am scrounging for ideas on what to bitch about. Usually, my process begins by asking myself: \What pisses me off this week?"" and I just run with it.
I realized that aside from a handful of columns, I have never really written about what's good in this world. So here's my list of what's great in the world:
Parked police cars sliding down an icy street and crashing into a mailbox.
A friend who will pick you up from the bathroom floor of Qdoba and carry your fat ass home.
Working at the library with middle-aged women with wonderful senses of humor.
Food. More specifically, food that's available at bartime.
The laugh of a good friend at a funeral.
A hug from someone you thought didn't like you.
A mother who tells you that you should lose weight while she's serving you fried chicken.
A father who always says your columns are good. Even if they're about parental drunkenness.
A friend who'll bust into your room at 3 a.m. and play the ""Moulin Rouge"" soundtrack.
Hush puppies. Mmmmmmm, hush puppies.
Parties which play Pinkerton. And I don't care what the elitists say, they're always cool as long as people aren't violent.
The prospect of a new Radiohead album in a sea of
OK Go.
Three a.m. conversations about who is hotter: Lara Croft or Marge Simpson.
Jack Daniels. Enough said.
Checking out the hot girls in church and knowing that you're going to hell.
Tailgating for ""Star Wars Episode 2"" and getting your beer confiscated.
Buying Dr. Thunder at Walmart and knowing there's not that much of a difference.
Listening to the quietest guy you know expound on his theories about pornography.
Telling the girls at your parties that they're drinking High Life when it's good ole' Natty Light.
Coming home and missing here.
Urinating on public property and seeing that no one is around ... oh yeah.
Reminding Vikings fans that their team has never won a Super Bowl and that your team's legendary head coach has the trophy named after him.
Watching Michigan lose at anything.
That pause where everyone in Camp Randall knows ""Jump Around"" is right around the corner.
Prank calling Chancellor Wiley.
Bowling in the parking lot.
Knowing that it's all right to cry at the end of ""Field of Dreams"".
Christmas music when you're not in a mall.
Finding your wallet after looking for it all morning.
Ordering a Tremendous 12 with your high school friends at Perkins at 4 a.m.
Telling your parents that you're not wasting their money right after you spent four hours watching ""Deuce Bigalow"" twice when you should have been writing a term paper.
The smile of a 3-month-old child who just vomited on you.
Voting in a country where your family couldn't a century ago.
A semester when you almost left school, a friend dies, you gained 15 pounds, and leaving this semester with a feeling that everything will be all right.
