Little Samantha Hodges, a fourth grader at Midvale Elementary, was taken out of class to go to the \Books Not Bombs"" protest at the Capitol. This was the decision of her parents, both ardent anti-war supporters, who saw this as an opportunity to relive the day when they protested the Grenada invasion of 1982. Not to mention that their cause would get full attention if they brought a cute little girl to the protest.
It did not sit well with the school board, who gave Sam the choice of reciting the Pledge of Allegiance in front of the entire school or expulsion for being ""unpatriotic.""
Sam was more than willing to do this until...
...her parents contacted the ACLU, who sent their best lawyers to defend Sam's right to protest. At the Madison School Board, they burned a flag outside the school while chanting, ""FREE SAMMY!""
This didn't go on without some media attention (that the ACLU coordinated of course). Apparently, Fox News got a tape of the flag burning, which spurred Bill O'Reilly to call for the death of little Samantha Hodges. And since O'Reilly is the ""voice of the people,"" Attorney General John Ashcroft and Secretary Tom Ridge decided to arrest Samantha for being a ""Threat to Homeland Security,"" thus allowing them to lower the alert color to a nice blue-green shade which ""really brings out President Bush's eyes.""
That's when it got interesting...
Noam Chomsky was on CNN, explaining why Samantha is America's greatest hero for ""protesting America's baby-killing tactics in Iraq, or North Korea, or wherever the hell I would protest against."" David Horowitz put out a one-page ad calling for her deportation. Rush Limbaugh dedicated an entire show to ""Samantha Hodges--Liberal Ignoramus, Enemy of Freedom or both?"" Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson supported Sam through their heroic appearances on all of the major news networks. Meanwhile, Martha Burk, who was lobbying for Samantha's inclusion into the Augusta Country Club, got into a fistfight with Mike Savage who believed that Sam's problem was from ""her not getting beat up enough by a man!""
So what did little Sam think about all of this attention? No one really knows. Her lawyer, Johnnie Cochran, wouldn't allow interviews until he got his first.
President Bush demanded a resolution on the ""Sam issue"" in the U.N. Security Council, or else he was ""going to go it alone regarding this little girl."" France vetoed this resolution, hoping that ""all roads of peace are exhausted before Samantha is executed. This might take many years, or at least, until we are gone and this becomes our children's problem.""
Seeing how France was so opposed to it, Bush gave the go ahead to execute little Samantha for being an unpatriotic American hell-bent on destroying our way of life.
The big day came, with all of the pundits and experts from CourtTV, CNN, MSNBC, Fox News, Lifetime, MTV and Nickelodeon on hand to see Samantha Hodges' execution.
When asked her final words, a weeping Samantha cried out, ""WHY AM I GOING TO DIE?""
In unison, both sides responded, ""TO FURTHER OUR CAUSE!""
Then they threw the switch, which was sponsored by Pepsi.
