MillerCoors sends trucks full of soldiers to Whatever, USA.
MillerCoors corporation has converted these delivery trucks
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MillerCoors corporation has converted these delivery trucks
In a timely business and militaristic move that is already drawing widespread support, MillerCoors CEO and Commander-in-chief Thomas Lang has called for the brewing conglomerate’s military forces to invade the Anheuser-Busch-backed, possibly-mythical town known as ‘Whatever, USA.’
After an unsuccessful vice presidential candidacy and a canceled reality TV show, Sarah Palin has set her tireless sights elsewhere: the booming business of taxidermy.
The prophets have returned from their mountain. Before, Godspeed You! Black Emperor had been tuned to the heavens. Their past gospels were inspired conversations with burning bushes that swallowed detractors in waves of groaned noise. Their crescendos spoke of a heavenly rage and their drones wove psalms of feedback and discontent.
From the dog’s body language and facial expressions, 31-year-old Madison woman Erika Scanlan was able to discern without reasonable doubt that her two-year-old puppy had been masturbating while she was away at work Tuesday.
After centuries of observing human culture, the Martian Executive Board declared it was time Mars enter the 450,000,000 Century and run an up-to-date Spacebook page.
As a result of human-induced climate change, hordes of tasty Swedish Fish are now melting and perishing during their natural spring transatlantic migration from their breeding grounds in Scandinavian fjords to North American factory farms, a Stockholm University study reports.
The University of North Carolina student tasked with completing the basketball team’s schoolwork was unable to watch the Tar Heels take on Arkansas Saturday.
In 1980 a gallon of gas cost $1.08, a dozen eggs were priced at 89 cents and, according to Mike McCabe, former head of the Wisconsin Democracy Campaign, a state Senate candidate needed to raise $40,000 to be competitive in an election.
In a decision made mostly by family members, ESPN college basketball analyst and personality Dick Vitale has begun wearing his patented "Dandy Diaper" at all times in an effort to manage the incessant uncontrollable defecation he now experiences because of his age.
Political leaders in Washington are just as excited about March Madness as the rest of the country; elected officials recently came together despite an intensely divided Congress to organize a high stakes bracket pool that pits the parties against each other in friendly competition.
Big Ten official Gene Steratore was vaporized into a heap of smoldering ashes Sunday afternoon after making direct eye contact with Wisconsin head coach Bo Ryan’s death stare.
A recent study from the American Lung Cancer Association reveals 87 percent of lung cancer patients are smokers and, consequently, also badasses.
In an unsettling revelation for friends, family, classmates and administration alike, UW-Madison junior Lane Laiman, 21, who was thought to be studying abroad for the semester in Spain, was spotted Monday afternoon—bearded and pant-less—rooting around a local wooded area with a large stick in hand.
Madison Mayor Paul Soglin responded to continued protests over the shooting of Tony Robinson in a Tuesday morning press conference.
After the release of their debut album Shrines in 2012, the Canadian electro-pop duo Purity Ring spent three highly anticipated years expanding their sound before issuing their sophomore LP another eternity.
With his newly acquired hindsight, and sight altogether, 27-year-old Madisonian Harrison Montag is relatively satisfied with his decision to keep his right eyelids open for the duration of a sneeze Monday.