Bo Ryan's death stare turns referee into smoldering pile of ash
Big Ten official Gene Steratore was vaporized into a heap of smoldering ashes Sunday afternoon after making direct eye contact with Wisconsin head coach Bo Ryan’s death stare.
The incident occurred in the second half of the Big Ten Tournament championship game between the Wisconsin Badgers and the Michigan State Spartans, when Steratore called an offensive foul on Wisconsin senior forward Frank Kaminsky.
An irate Ryan argued the call, but was promptly issued a technical foul by Steratore. This led to Ryan gazing straight into Steratore’s eyes with his infamous death stare, rendering him into a pile of ashes on the United Center court.
“It was horrifying,” fellow official Terry Wymer said. “It’s like he stared straight into his soul and made him spontaneously combust.”
“This is a day that we’ve feared would come for quite some time,” Big Ten Men’s Basketball Coordinator of Officials Rick Boyages said in a statement. “We warn all our guys to never stare directly into Coach Ryan’s gaze for more than three seconds, but Gene must have gotten caught up in the moment and forgotten.”
For his part, Ryan was unapologetic after the game.
“Gene knows the rules; you don’t T me up,” Ryan said. “He let his ego get the better of him, and he paid the consequences. It’s unfortunate that it had to happen, but an example needed to be made.”
Big Ten Commissioner Jim Delany said that the conference will honor Steratore by putting his ashes in an urn and hanging it from the rafters in the United Center as a reminder to all other officials to “never fuck with Bo Ryan again.”
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