Area man does not regret leaving eye open during sneeze
With his newly acquired hindsight, and sight altogether, 27-year-old Madisonian Harrison Montag is relatively satisfied with his decision to keep his right eyelids open for the duration of a sneeze Monday.
The sneeze, which was allegedly not extreme in magnitude, was forceful enough to project Montag’s eye all the way out of its socket, but lacked the strength to detach it from the optic nerve. His eyeball remains fully intact and now hangs, facing downward, approximately three inches below the socket, which is now void of matter other than the stretched optic nerve.
“I had the sniffles all day and felt a big one coming on. I had always heard it was impossible to keep your eyes open during a sneeze so I gave it a shot,” Montag said. “I failed on the first try, but was successful with just one eye on one of the smaller aftershocks. It still stings like a bitch, but it’s really provided me with a new perspective.”
The folklore of many indigenous groups claim that tribe members completed the feat, some even doing so with both eyes, but Montag’s case is the first in recorded medical history. All conventional biological knowledge suggests that Montag’s newly acquired condition was both unattainable and highly dangerous.
Despite unrelenting warnings from his physician and the global medical community, Montag has elected to continue in this state.
“I’ll be honest, my depth perception is way off,” Montag confessed to giddy and grossed out Cardinal reporters. “But I’m learning how to make the most of this. If I flick my head around I can achieve well over 180 degrees of vision. Not as good as an owl, but still pretty rad I say.”
At press time, sources close to Montag reported that he is growing agitated by the several hundred insects which are now residing inside of his skull.
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