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(10/24/11 6:00am)
The Oscars are coming up this Sunday, and the stars are ready to
align. Soon we will find out whether Slumdog Millionaire"" will
strike it rich, or perhaps ""The Curious Case of Benjamin Button""
will cast some ""Doubt"" on the award? Puns aside, I'm glad the
Oscars will finally be over so the media can focus on the award
show that truly matters: the Razzies.
(10/24/11 6:00am)
While skimming channels the other day with a girl friend of mine
(note the space, friend first, girl second), she alerted me to an
intriguing phenomenon by asking me, Why are you stopping here? This
movie sucks."" The movie in question was ""2 Fast 2 Furious,"" a
ferociously bad movie that would please only the truest
auto-maniacs. The reason I had stopped was not due to an
aesthetically pleasing automobile, nor was it the witty
back-and-forth dialogue between esteemed singer/actor Tyrese and
Paul ""the guy who was in the first 'Fast and the Furious' not
named Vin Diesel"" Walker.
(10/24/11 6:00am)
Imagine for a minute that the entire world has been transported
back to the 1980's. Duran Duran is blasting through every car
stereo, suits are as white as the coke its wearers snort in trendy
club bathrooms, and without fail, the names Robert De Niro and Al
Pacino invoke images of pure, unadulterated badass. Fast-forward to
2008, where the Pussycat Dolls and Hannah Montana reign supreme,
popped collars are the style du jour, and Pacino and De Niro invoke
images of Meet the Fockers"" and ""88 Minutes.""
(10/04/10 6:00am)
Near the end of ""The Social Network,"" Mark Zuckerberg's lawyer
tells him she doesn't think he's a bad guy, saying ""every creation
myth has a villain."" While the quote may apply to a slightly
holier book than Facebook, David Fincher's new film might as well
be the New Testament for the web generation; the details of
Facebook's creation may be built on folklore and legend, but it
still makes for a damn good morality tale, especially when told by
gifted storytellers like Fincher and Aaron Sorkin.
(07/18/10 6:00am)
Any animated film that comes out the same summer as a Pixar
film is bound to have trouble meeting those high standards.
Illumination Entertainment, the new Universal/NBC-owned production
company tries its hardest with ""Despicable Me,"" a lighthearted
caper film that draws inspiration from ""The Incredibles"" and
""Monsters, Inc.,"" among others. ""Despicable Me"" is a worthy
first effort for the fledgling animation studio, and while the film
certainly doesn't reach Pixar's lofty levels, it's still an
enjoyable family movie.
(07/01/10 6:00am)
""You have brains in your head.
(06/28/10 6:00am)
Fifteen years ago, Michael Jordan came out of retirement,
leading the Chicago Bulls to the best record in NBA history.
Fifteen years ago, the United States was rocked by the Oklahoma
City bombings, forcing the closure of parts of the White House. And
15 years ago on Nov. 22, ""Toy Story,"" the first ever full-length
computer animated film hit theaters, grossing $362 million
worldwide and establishing the Pixar/Disney standard of excellence
that has been unrivaled by any other studio. ""Toy Story 3""
manages to succeed not only as a children's film, but as an
exercise in nostalgia for a generation of twentysomethings who grew
up saying ""you've got a friend in me.""
(06/04/10 6:00am)
The scene was the summer after my junior year. I had just
completed another day sitting at the Terrace, collecting abandoned
pitchers until I had enough to buy a pitcher of Miller Lite with
the $1 refund per pitcher returned. It wasn't glamorous, but for a
broke college student like me, such was life. But after the Future
Business Leaders of America kicked me out of their meeting for
taking six slices of free pizza and smelling like a mix of Ale
Asylum and urine—the latter an unfortunate side effect of the
wrestling match I had with a homeless man on State St. over
approximately $1.65 worth of empty cans—I decided my life needed to
change.
(04/25/10 6:00am)
I like everything about Facebook. I like the ever-changing
layout and the inevitable groups decrying every miniscule change. I
like the creepiness it can cause, including one particular instance
in College Library when a girl walked up to a rather seedy-looking
guy and demanded to know why he was looking at her profile. I even
like the awfulness of Facebook Chat, and how there is no single
browser that can support its endless bugs. But the thing I like the
most about Facebook is liking. When Facebook introduced that little
""like"" button, I wish I could have liked it. Who knew that by the
time that little button was done growing, I would be able to like a
page devoted to the like button, essentially fulfilling my
wishes?
(04/12/10 6:00am)
Someone once said that college is an adventure and only you hold
the map that shows the path to success. That ""someone"" was an
ex-con turned motivational speaker who completed two hours of his
court-ordered community service by speaking at my eighth grade
graduation. Despite his teardrop tattoo and missing fingers, I took
the advice of Henry ""T-Bone"" Watkins to heart; he was genuine and
emphatic and said anyone who didn't listen to his advice ""IS GONNA
GET STABBED.""
(04/12/10 6:00am)
Someone once said that college is an adventure and only you hold
the map that shows the path to success. That ""someone"" was an
ex-con turned motivational speaker who completed two hours of his
court-ordered community service by speaking at my eighth grade
graduation. Despite his teardrop tattoo and missing fingers, I took
the advice of Henry ""T-Bone"" Watkins to heart; he was genuine and
emphatic and said anyone who didn't listen to his advice ""IS GONNA
GET STABBED.""
(04/04/10 6:00am)
""Hot Tub Time Machine"" is like the VH1 program ""I Love the
'80s."" It will make viewers nostalgic for a simpler time (remember
how awesome ""Back to the Future"" was?),and will even offer
occasional bursts of laugh-out-loud hilarity (though from Craig
Robinson, not from Michael Ian Black or Hal Sparks). But like ""I
Love the '80s,"" ""Hot Tub Time Machine"" is a clash between two
distinctly different generations, and the results are mixed at
best.
(03/21/10 6:00am)
As a Page Two columnist who also happens to be the Page Two
editor, I'm literally my own boss. This can be a good thing,
especially when I want to write an entire column around the phrase
""twat waffle,"" or simply want to run finger paintings from when I
was four years old because I'm too lazy to come up with an actual
column.
(03/09/10 6:00am)
Girl walking home wearing frat boy's sweatpants ‘isn't
fooling anyone,' sources say
(03/07/10 6:00am)
Every year, I sign up for more classes than I need to. I never
take 18 credits, but I like to shop around syllabuses to get a feel
for what classes I might find intellectually stimulating. And by
""intellectually stimulating"" I mean ""will give me an easy A."" I
like classes with take-home essays, 15-percent participation grades
and nonmandatory lecture attendance. Hell, I'll even take a class
with four exams so long as it doesn't meet on Fridays. But if
there's one thing on a syllabus that sends me running for the
hills, it's these two simple words: ""group project.""
(02/21/10 6:00am)
A few months ago, the unthinkable happened. I was browsing
through Facebook, hitting all the usual profiles I creep on (I'm
talking to you, Katie), when a friend request popped up. It was my
little brother, Nolan. My 14-year-old,
still-in-eighth-grade-brother. My
plays-PS3-an-unhealthy-amount-and-is-only-two-years-removed-from-collecting-Yu-Gi-Oh!-Cards
brother. To put it in web lingo, WTF?
(02/10/10 6:00am)
You would think we're raising chickens around here at New Beer,
because all we've heard in the last few weeks is
""bock-bock-bock!"" If you enjoy a good bock (and a terrible
chicken joke), then Sierra Nevada's Glissade is worth a try.
However, it doesn't have any real standout qualities that push it
from ""good"" to ""great.""
(02/07/10 6:00am)
(The following conversation took place one Thursday night at
a sorority on Langdon. The names of the girls involved and the
sorority they belong to has been changed to protect their
identities.)
(01/24/10 6:00am)
With the beginning of the semester upon us, most people are
easing back into classes, cursing their sudden lack of free time
and pining for the carefree days of winter break. While I hardly
call myself a fan of school, I will say that the beginning of the
semester is my favorite two weeks of the school year, by far. Not
only are there very few academic commitments, but every discussion
section begins with the same awkward introduction by the TA. For
those of you who are extending your vacations by an extra week and
claiming that you ""just switched sections,"" here's a relatively
accurate transcript of what you missed.
(01/24/10 6:00am)
Very few people would expect ""The Tooth Fairy"" to be a great
movie. Still, Dwayne ""The Rock"" Johnson as a bad boy hockey
player turned temporary tooth fairy could have made for a breezy
100 minutes of harmless movie fluff for kids. Instead, ""The Tooth
Fairy"" is dragged down to direct-to-video levels of horribleness
by disjointed writing, annoying characters and an overemphasis on
its ""dreams can come true"" message.