As a Page Two columnist who also happens to be the Page Two editor, I'm literally my own boss. This can be a good thing, especially when I want to write an entire column around the phrase ""twat waffle,"" or simply want to run finger paintings from when I was four years old because I'm too lazy to come up with an actual column.
However, being the editor means I also have to be mindful of the business side of The Daily Cardinal. Print journalism, like the recording industry, is struggling to adopt a new business model to compete with the rise of the Internet. To put it bluntly, nobody wants to pay for something they can get for free. Who's going to buy a full album when all the good tracks are online for free? Who's going to pony up 12 bucks to go to a movie theater full of annoying middle schoolers and 20 minutes of previews when you could watch the same movie at home in your boxers? And who's going to pay $13 for ""Backdoor Sluts 69"" when over 50 percent of the internet is comprised of free pornography?
Well, I've come up with the perfect solution: integrated advertising. It might not be the ideal situation, but it's probably the best (Sub)way® to make a quick buck. All we need to do is identify a possible (Hot) Topic®, and then figure out what companies might benefit from being a part of the article. TOPPERS PIZZA® IS THE BEST RESTAURANT IN MADISON.
When considering integrated advertising, subtlety is the (Church)key®. Nobody wants to feel like they're being overwhelmed with ads for GREAT SALES AT URBAN OUTFITTERS® THIS WEEKEND because excessive advertising can leave a bitter taste in a reader's mouth. Almost as bitter as the bitters used in the Old Fashioned's at the Old Fashioned®, SERVING WISCONSIN FARE ON THE CAPITOL SQUARE®!
Sometimes I have to talk to our business manager Cole to make sure he doesn't get overzealous in his attempts to make money. ""Why not just save us some money by switching to Geico® instead?"" I said in a Blackberry® Message the other day sent from my brand-new Blackberry®. I guess I can't really complain about him being good at his job, though. You're bound to get great employees when you use Monster.com® to list open positions. Man, Monster.com® sure is good at matching great individuals with great jobs. TOPPERS PIZZA® PROUDLY SERVES TOPPERS STIX®, MADISON'S FAVORITE LATE-NIGHT TREAT.
But let us not forget that some of the best integrated advertising can be done through online features. Whether it be a contest to WIN A FREE IPOD NANO® by participating in an online survey, or a weekly online restaurant review covering some of the Hot (Topic®) spots in Madison. Why, just this week I suggested to our ad manager that we do an even-handed review of Tutto Pasta® and sample some of their delicious Italian cuisine at an affordable price. I even proposed a video project, where our (Champs) Sports® editor Nico Savidge went on a series of dates, aided of course by a snazzy haircut from Stadium Barbershop®, flowers from FTP® and free condoms from Sex Out Loud®! The possibilities are endless, like the breadsticks at Olive Garden®. DID SOMEONE SAY STICKS? TOPPERS PIZZA® HAS BREADSTICKS TOO, BITCHES! EAT AT TOPPERS RIGHT NOW, YOU SHITHEADS!
In conclusion, (ASM Student) Print® journalism doesn't have to be a dying Medium® (Fridays at 8 on CBS). With a bit of creativity and a ""can-Do(It Techstore®)"" attitude (or Brattitude®), The Daily Show®, err, The Daily Cardinal®, can compete with any (World of Warcraft) Online® publication and live to see another Day(s of our Lives®). ARE YOU EATING TOPPERS PIZZA® YET? GO BUY SOME BEFORE I BEAT YOU SENSELESS, YOU IGNORANT SLUT.
Was reading this column a bit Hard (Rock Cafe®)? Use your AOL Online® e-mail account to send Kevin a message about it at kevslane@gmail.com.
