I like everything about Facebook. I like the ever-changing layout and the inevitable groups decrying every miniscule change. I like the creepiness it can cause, including one particular instance in College Library when a girl walked up to a rather seedy-looking guy and demanded to know why he was looking at her profile. I even like the awfulness of Facebook Chat, and how there is no single browser that can support its endless bugs. But the thing I like the most about Facebook is liking. When Facebook introduced that little ""like"" button, I wish I could have liked it. Who knew that by the time that little button was done growing, I would be able to like a page devoted to the like button, essentially fulfilling my wishes?
I like statuses like ""Jon just can't catch a break :-(."" I like photos from the album ""R.I.P. Patches."" I like when people I barely know post a quiz asking me ""How good of a kisser are you?"" on my wall. I like when my friend from high school becomes friends with the biggest tool from our graduating class, who clearly found her through the omniscient ""people you may know"" tool. Hell, sometimes I even like things I should actually like, like when my cousin gets engaged or when that girl who dropped out of my high school has her third kid with a guy whose profile name is simply ""Tron.""
Now, Facebook has changed once again, choosing to let you like pages rather than become a fan of them. The only real drawback to this is I will probably no longer like ""becoming a fan,"" a page that only exists because people like me thought it was hilarious to have ""Kevin became a fan of ‘becoming a fan'"" show up on their friend's News Feeds. I like the prospect of transforming into an oscillating desk fan as much as the next fan of ""becoming a fan,"" but sometimes you have to let these kinds of jokes die.
Of course, there's new jokes to be made with the liking of pages. Almost immediately, my News Feed was full of stories like ""Jamie likes ‘it on top'"" and ""Tron likes ‘it rough'."" ‘Cuz it's like sex, GET IT?!?! They like ""it dirty?!?!"" I'm literally LOL'ing out loud on the floor, and my ass just fell off. And, of course, just as I had seen ""Mike became a fan of ‘becoming a fan'"" in months prior, I saw ""Mike likes ‘liking things. '""
Unfortunately, there's a flaw in this new liking system that I definitely don't like. When I went to like that Mike liked liking things, Facebook made me like liking things, not like that Mike liked liking things. Then, my friend Wyche (sounds like ""Mike"") liked liking things, when he really wanted to like that I had liked liking things. So Wyche (via Mike) liked liking things, and I wanted to like that he liked it too. So I wrote to Wyche, ""I wish that I could like that you like liking things."" Wyche, who's a bit of a tyke, decided to like my wall post.
This, of course, carries a completely different meaning, as Wyche liked that I wished I could like that Wyche like liking things, not that I liked liking things. Then my friend (and fellow Page Two columnist) Jon Spike wrote on my wall in a panic, ""I tried to like you liking things but clicking like next to you liking liking things just made me like liking things instead of liking you liking liking things."" Of course, I explained to Spike I had faced a similar like dilemma with Mike and Wyche, at which point we theorized this was all a big way for Mark Zuckerberg to say ""psych!"" and provide a counter-strike to the millions of outraged users who dislike every change he makes to Facebook.
As it turns out, however, Mike, Wyche, Spike and the rest of my Facebook friends were about to witness the like revolution, the third major change in the use of the like button, commonly referred to as the Third Leich (sounds like ""Reich""). In the coming months, Facebook is rolling out a platform called Facebook Connect, in which sites all over the Internet will connect with your Facebook profile, giving you the power to like literally anything. Like the video ""Guy rides bike into wall"" on College Humor? ""Like"" that bike! Like the story ""Baseball umpires go on strike"" on CNN? ""Like"" that strike! Like that Mike used a facial recognition site to find out his look-a-like is Dick Van Dyke? ""Like"" that Van Dyke look-a-like!
Of course, you may not want all this information published to your News Feed. ""Matt likes ‘Trisha gets backdoor plowed and facialized' on YouPorn"" might not go over so well with Matt's girlfriend. But considering how much joy the like button has given me, I can't see how installing it on every other website I like to visit could be disliked. If the power of the like button is used to an appropriate level, after all, what's not to like?
Like this article? Wait until Kevin posts a link to it on his Facebook wall so you can like it, or e-mail him a photo of that little green thumbs-up to show your approval at kevslane@gmail.com.
