In July, in a Green Party press release, presidential candidate Jill Stein outlined her plans to give America the “silent treatment.” Stein stated that until voters decide to act their age, they would not receive any attention from her.
Well folks, election season is almost upon us. This year we have two awesome contenders for the elusive Oval Office: Democrat Hillary Rodham Clinton and Republican Donald “Kingslayer” Trump, who earned his nickname for his striking resemblance to “Game of Thrones” character Jamie “Kingslayer” Lannister. If you are one of the many people who think either candidate would be awful, federalism does a decent job of stunting executive power, so fret not.
What do you think of when you hear the terms “Kinky” or “BDSM?” Do they conjure images of dominatrixes with whips?
The Parliament of Great Britain voted, in a sudden measure Sept. 26, to leave the European continent.
A poll of UW students has shown Hillary Clinton is considered the sexiest presidential candidate, followed closely by Gary Johnson, with Donald Trump and Jill Stein tied for third place. This poll comes on the heels of Monday night’s presidential debate, where Donald Trump presented carefully thought-out policy decisions while Ms. Clinton presented a shiny pantsuit. “She’s lit af,” claims sophomore Abby Schmaltz, “Next Saturday.
Late in the third quarter of Saturday’s Badgers triumph at Michigan State, one Badgers fan made a crucial play that would seal the Badgers commanding lead for good. With four minutes left to play in the quarter, on a 3rd-down and 14, Michigan State QB Tyler O’Connor dropped back to pass when he saw Badgers LB Jack Cichy coming around the left end of the offensive line.
“Shit!” I yell as I scramble out of bed at 5:20 a.m.
Stumbling through a room full of girls he had failed to get the numbers of, Matt Blaker, a UW-Madison freshman, had one task on his mind: successfully convincing his parents that he was anything but partying. Correspondents on the scene of a Mifflin Street house party last Friday night reportedly overheard bits and pieces of a disgruntled phone call he was engaged in at 1:45 in the morning. “I don’t think he realized that anyone talking to him over the phone would have heard Kanye West playing in the background,” said a field reporter. “It was a mess,” another correspondent stated.
Following the iPhone 7’s Sept. 7 release, rumors have already surfaced that the iPhone 7s will lack a battery or any form of electronic capability. The rumors were born after Apple CEO Tim Cook was interviewed by The Daily Cardinal reporters and asked about the new specs coming in six months.
Hoping to spur positive discussions about philanthropy and child welfare, UW-Madison fraternity DSD announced Monday a brand-new event on campus, set for the 24th of September.
For my first article of the 2016 academic year, I want to talk about something close to home for me, both literally and figuratively.
David Chandler, a 26-year-old Madison resident, was pulled from his sedan and beaten by a posse of hungry youngsters while driving down Wilshire Lane Tuesday. Janine Thompson, loving mother of one of the young’uns, witnessed the assault. “He was driving down our street playing the ice-cream song, the one that goes ‘dada-dum dum dee dee lada-dadadada,’ and my son Timmy, bless his soul, came inside asking for money.
UW-Madison sent a cordial recommendation via email to every active fraternity member on campus Wednesday to refrain from accidentally or intentionally murdering any of their new pledging members. Adding that it would be really nice to avoid being embarrassed on a national level, the reminder mentioned that the university discourages hazing in any form but understands that it can sometimes be a necessary part of brotherhood. “Are guys going to get hurt?
Scientists at the National Aeronautics and Space Administration have definitively concluded their search for a life-sustaining planet after realizing that Earth itself met all of their requirements with flying colors, deeming their intergalactic search redundant and, frankly, quite silly. According to research scientist Elisa Quintana, the real kicker is that, given their own existence, they should’ve realized Earth is life-sustaining long, long ago. “Astonishing,” she says, “that we spent so many years in the lab ‘pouring over deep-space models, eating, defecating and making love’ without ever connecting their inherently lively activities to other biotic life right here on Earth.” “It’s like losing your glasses,” said Dr. Paul Hertz, director of NASA’s astrophysics division.
The Almanac Presents: Misheard Quotes “Don’t smile because it’s over.
1. Actually visit Cleveland, Ohio 2.
Atretochoana eiselti at a glance: PHYSICAL TRAITS: Not a whole lot going on.
Bald Eagle at a glance PHYSICAL TRAITS: A big, beautiful, bountiful and bodacious bald head, beady little eyes. CAREER GOALS: Spread democracy to the heathens overseas.
The conventions for the Democratic and Republican parties are just around the corner, and the general election season is heating up.
Beginning in 2017, the Cleveland Indians will replace their red-faced ‘Chief Wahoo’ logo with what the organization has called a more accurate depiction of the team’s name. The future logo will feature an offensive caricature of a man from the country of India, rather than one of a Native American man.
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Solutions by The State News
