Blazin' to a title
Usually, I try to insert something clever at the start of this column. And more often than not, I crash and burn in the process. So, I'm just going to state my point right now:
Use the fields below to perform an advanced search of The Daily Cardinal's archives. This will return articles, images, and multimedia relevant to your query. You can also try a Basic search
85 items found for your search. If no results were found please broaden your search.
Usually, I try to insert something clever at the start of this column. And more often than not, I crash and burn in the process. So, I'm just going to state my point right now:
A little while back, my buddy Skippy admonished me for not being positive even once in my columns this year. After soundly drubbing him with insults geared towards his loved ones, I realized he made a point. I have never been positive or thankful for anything I've seen in sports this year. So what am I thankful for?
I came to this conclusion while nursing a hangover and watching the Badgers' defense get smoked like a joint at a Phish concert last Saturday against the Gophers running attack. I wanted to look away, but I couldn't for two reasons.
The No. 7 Badger women's hockey team (7-3-0 overall, 3-3 WCHA) will hit the road to take on the tenth-ranked Minnesota State Mavericks (7-1, 4-0) this weekend in Mankato, Minn. This is a very important series for both teams. A Wisconsin sweep of MSU would leapfrog them in the standings and possibly attain sole possession of second-place in the Western Collegiate Hockey Association (pending Minnesota-Duluth's series this weekend). An MSU sweep or split would allow them to keep pace with an undefeated Minnesota Gopher squad in the conference and propel them further in the national rankings.
As the Badgers returned across the Minnesota-Wisconsin border after Saturday's game, they did so without one of their most prized possessions, Paul Bunyan's Axe. They lost the storied weapon, along with the game, to the Golden Gophers, 37-34 on Saturday afternoon at the Metrodome. After a knock-down, drag-out brawl for four quarters, the outcome was decided by the foot of Gopher junior kicker Rhys Lloyd, who scored a 37-yard field goal with one second left in the game.
Folks, it's been almost three weeks since we've had a home game. And while Halloween was OK, morning drinking is something that cannot be simply regained in stride. So in order to get the kinks out of our system before the Spartans come next week, I have provided a drinking ga-, I mean exercise. This is specifically for the Badger-Gopher game, but you can easily change the opposing team for future practice.
'Tis the season for horror stories around America. Freddy Krueger, Jason Voorhees, Mike Myers and whatnot. But if you want to read a truly terrifying horror story, read on.
Around 3:30 p.m. Saturday, on the Northwestern campus, I came to the realization that I was never prouder to attend the University of Wisconsin-Madison than at that moment right then and there. Trust me, it had nothing to do with our impotence on the field (couldn't you just hear Coach Alvarez' post-game pep talk? \Don't worry fellas, it happens to a lot of guys""). A lot of it had to do with the fact that I was going to return home and escape the most god-awfully boring place on the face of this earth:
If I ever get to meet the guy who decided to greenlight \Cold Pizza"" on ESPN2, I will douse him in gasoline and light him on fire. Then, and only then, will I be satisfied that he has experienced as much pain as I did watching his bilious scourge of a show.
Because I'm both hungover and lazy, here are my College Football midseason awards. Enjoy:
In the same way Stan Marsh of \South Park"" once nominated John Edward of ""Crossing Over"" for ""Biggest Douche in the Universe,"" I'd like to nominate Alex Leavitt for the same award for suing his old team because they cut his whiny ass in February.
Women's World Cup:
When NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue is on his deathbed, and his loved ones are surrounding him, he will look back on his life and assess his greatest successes and his greatest regrets. With his final breath, as a tear trickles from the corner of his weathered visage, he will utter nine words which have haunted him for the rest of his life:
There's villainy, there's super-villainy and then there's the Oakland Raiders.
Aside from the return of the time-honored songs at Camp Randall, there was nothing to jump around for on the field, as the Badgers lost to the Runnin' Rebels of UNLV 23-5 on a soggy Saturday afternoon.
What... the... hell? I have seen a guy vomit on his girlfriend while trying to cheer. I have seen countless men and women pass out and fall all over each other in the stands at Camp Randall. I have even seen a football make an improbable bounce off an incompetent freshman, resulting in an illegitimate victory for an inconceivably overrated opposition. But I have never seen something so embarrassing as I did Saturday.
As fall dawns upon Madison, Wisconsin for another year, the usual questions arise from freshmen once again. Where are my classes? How do I purchase a novelty ID to be used for strictly novelty purposes? Will that girl be impressed by my Todd Oldham collection of star pillows and new pastel lamps from Target?
A couple of people have sent in letters wondering why I rip on Michiganders all the time. With my time running out at The Daily Cardinal, I figured I'd set things straight. There are many things that I hate with a passion burning of a thousand suns. One of them is the Minnesota Vikings. One of them is the Devil. And one of them is the fact that Abercrombie gets all of the credit for the store's clothing success, while Fitch gets the royal shaft. And yet, none of them inspire more hate in my heart than the state of Michigan.
Trouble's brewin' in Madtown. There's an alarming trend more pervasive than guys who ask each other if they're \gellin.""
Despite our best efforts, we all learned something during spring break. How do you ask \Do I get my one phone call from jail"" in Spanish? What are the age-of-consent laws in Florida (""Officer, I swear I didn't know she was 15!"")? Even those who stayed in Madison learned something last week.