Folks, it's been almost three weeks since we've had a home game. And while Halloween was OK, morning drinking is something that cannot be simply regained in stride. So in order to get the kinks out of our system before the Spartans come next week, I have provided a drinking ga-, I mean exercise. This is specifically for the Badger-Gopher game, but you can easily change the opposing team for future practice.
1. Take one if Anthony Davis has a run for 10 yards.
Take two if he's replaced by Dwayne Smith for no good reason.
Take three if Smith fumbles.
Take it all if they show Barry Alvarez chewing his gum nonchalantly afterward.
2. Take one if Sorgi gets sacked.
Take two if the replay shows someone not picking up the blitz.
Take three if Lee Evans or Brandon Williams are waving their hands because they are wide open.
Take it all if they show Barry Alvarez chewing his gum nonchalantly afterward.
3. Take one if there's a wide shot of a half-full Metrodome.
Take two if it is mainly red.
Take three if ESPN tries to drown out the \Eat s-t, F-k you"" chant.
Take it all if they show Barry Alvarez chewing his gum nonchalantly afterward.
4. Take one if offensive coordinator Brian White calls a draw play.
Take two if it's Sorgi who runs.
Take three if it's on third-and-20.
Take it all if they show Barry Alvarez chewing his gum nonchalantly afterward.
5. Take one if a Badger misses a wide-open tackle.
Take two if he couldn't tackle because he didn't wrap his arms around the ball carrier.
Take three if the end result was a Gopher first down.
Take it all if they show Barry Alvarez chewing his gum nonchalantly afterward.
6. Take one if a Gopher stretches a three-yard slant for 20+ yards.
Take two if the cornerback was playing 15 yards off him.
Take three if it was third-and-one.
Take it all if they show Barry Alvarez chewing his gum nonchalantly afterward.
7. Take one if Scott Campbell misses a field goal.
Take two if the kick was within 30 yards.
Take three if you could remember the guy from the Culver's Halftime Challenge being able to kick it better.
Take it all if they show Barry Alvarez chewing his gum nonchalantly afterward.
8. Take one if ESPN invokes the memory of Ron Dayne and the back-to-back Rose Bowls.
Take two if your buddy goes on a rant about the year UW went to the Rose Bowl, Final Four and won the WCHA.
Take three and then smack him in the mouth.
Take it all if they show Barry Alvarez chewing his gum nonchalantly afterward.
9. Take one if the Badgers give up a lead in the 4th quarter.
Take two if they had a 10+ point lead beforehand.
Take it all if they show Barry Alvarez chewing his gum nonchalantly afterward.
And if Minnesota get their grubby hands all over the axe, I suggest you move on to tequila... lots of it.
Mike Jones is a creative, funny man who is a senior majoring in political science and international studies. Email him at mikejones@dailycardinal.com and let him how the practice went.
