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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Thursday, April 23, 2026
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Jay Rothman walks outside of Van Hise Hall, avoiding the group of protestors on August 23, 2024.

How the Board of Regents gave Rothman a Maduro-esque mogging

An in-depth look at how Rothman’s reign was cut short by the Regents.

All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.  

University of Wisconsin System President Jay Rothman was removed from office on April 7, 2026 in what many have called the most audacious operation conducted by the University of Wisconsin System Board of Regents. The Beet obtained and compiled the following timeline of how these events unfolded.

14:02, 4/6 - Regents announce intentions to remove Rothman

The UW Board of Regents released a statement detailing their intentions to remove Rothman from office, giving him a 24-hour deadline to resign or be removed forcefully. They said this was due to him being a “sub-eight male” and a “soyboy beta cuck with a negative canthal tilt,” terms experts believe the Regents learned from the Kick streamer known as Clavicular, who has become quite popular with the Regents according to emails obtained by The Beet. 

14:05, 4/6 - Rothman refuses to leave his office 

Rothman responded to the UW Board of Regents ultimatum by promising to stay in his office at Van Hise Hall perpetually, save for bathroom breaks, out of protest until the calls to remove him ceased.

16:30, 4/6 - Negotiations collapse

Negotiations turned sour after Rothman responded to the Regents’ various offers of $1 million exit packages by sending them an email simply saying “Board of Regents? More like bored of regents”. The Regents responded with an email reiterating their claims he was a “beta male” and promised to “mog him”.

19:45, 4/6 - Regents announce blockade

At a press conference that night, the Regents announced they’d put a blockade around Rothman’s office, promising to block any and all attempts from Rothman to leave to use the bathroom or get food delivered by Doordash.

20:49, 4/6 - Mnookin posting controversy

Later that night, UW-Madison Chancellor Jennifor Mnookin, whom The Beet has confirmed helped the Regents plan their ousting of Rothman, posted the following statement to her Snapchat story in an apparent attempt to express support for the regents actions and to threaten Rothman directly.

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“Tommorow will be Rothman Office Day and New UW President Day all wrapped up in one in Madison. There will be nothing like it!!! Leave the Fuckin’ Office you crazy badger or you’ll be living in Hell - JUST WATCH! On, Wisconsin. Chancellor JENNIFER L MNOOKIN”

This prompted an uproar on social media leading even Mnookin’s closest allies, such as District 8 Alder MGR Govindajaran, to condemn the statement. 

23:35, 4/6 - Regents begin Operation Roaring Freedom

The Regents voted unanimously to begin Operation Roaring Freedom with the expressed goal of removing Rothman from office.

Helicopters and Wisconsin National Guardsmen, supplied by Wisconsin Gov. Tony Evers, left Truax Field National Guard Base in Northeastern Madison, acting as the spearhead of Operation Roaring Freedom. 

03:55, 4/7 - Rothman captured

After entering Van Hise, National Guardsmen grabbed Rothman, took him to Mnookin's personal Boeing C-32 and flew him to Bascom Hall where he’s been held to this day. 

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Dominic Violante

Dominic Violante is The Beet editor for The Daily Cardinal.


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