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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Wednesday, November 29, 2023

Ten things you didn't know you do wrong

All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.

1. Mispronouncing your mother’s name. It’s And-rea, not An-drea.

2. Believing in Bigfoot, not Sasquatch.

3. The way you eat bananas. Monkeys open them from the bottom, ya know. 

4. Washing your jorts. Don’t wash your jorts. Never wash your jorts.

5. It’s spelled defanintly, not defintilly.

6. Being drunk at Cheba and high at Ian’s. Wait, never mind, either is fine.

7. Believing you can nap for 20 minutes.

8. Holding out for a George W. Bush presidential victory. He’s not running, ya schmutz, let it go. 

9. Thinking the Almanac is not funny. We are funny! Very funny!

10. Anything your girlfriend says you did wrong, you defanintly did wrong.

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