Back in high school, a classmate asked me with a straight face: “What country is the Tour de France in this year?” I was dumbfounded. I told her it only happens every four years, but next time it will be in either England or Great Britain; I couldn’t remember which one. Although I expected this girl to get a negative number on her ACT, she somehow goes to UW-Madison (and she’s actually smart, believe it or not).
We encounter millions of complete idiots in our lives daily. In fact, I’m not all that intelligent myself. But the best thing about idiots is that they tend to stick to themselves. For instance, North Wisconsin is like the stupid, illiterate half-brother of South Wisconsin. Then there’s the whole state of Texas, the Vatican and Fox News’s constituency.
I’m completely fine with idiots; I would just prefer they continue to light their farts on fire and worship Ryan Dunn (Steve-O?) instead of interacting with me. I didn’t expect to meet so many of these dumbfucks at such a prestigious university. Perhaps in addition to exaggerating about racial diversity at UW-Madison, the university’s brochures overestimate the intelligence of the student body.
Idiots can be hard to spot at UW-Madison. They like to sit at the back of classroom or even skip it altogether to watch MTV in their Lakeshore dorm. But idiots can’t hide forever.
When the opportunity arises, the mass of stupids will come out from under their rocks to make comments like, “Cocaine exports? That should be illegal.” I heard that brilliant quotation just last week. This girl probably thinks Meow Mix is a CD for cats or that Manuel Labor is the president of Mexico.
Something Biddy Martin said at orientation echoes in my head: “You young people are the leaders of tomorrow.” If so, then Nostradamus was dangerously accurate. We will all die in a fucking hellfire before next year ends.
But it’s not just students that had too much chlorine in the irgene pool. Just pick any George W. Bush quote: it will make Forrest Gump look like Einstein. I’ve seen Rick Perry shit his pants on live television trying to answer a simple question about his own policies.
A recent example of supreme idiocy was watching thousands of people, many of which were students, defend men who let a serial rapist molest countless kids for years. My good friend Ben Goldman suggested students bring the riots to Joe Paterno’s lawn, because history shows he definitely will not call the cops.
Perhaps stupidity will be an everlasting nuisance in the student body, politics and all facets of the world. The fact that Brittany Spears, Sarah Palin and Justin Bieber (allegedly) have kids is proof that complete fucking morons defeat Darwin’s “survival of the fittest” notion. Now I can’t pick what is more ridiculous to teach my kids—evolution or creation.
Got something stupid to report? Bitch about it with Ben at his twitter acccount @stoffelrosales.
