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Just three weeks after winning the Republican Gubernatorial Primary, Representative Tom Tiffany sat down with The Beet for a tell-all interview (edited for clarity). Tiffany spoke for almost seven hours (seemingly making a half-hearted attempt at the first-ever filibuster in Vilas) on the biggest issues of this race but was able to boil his campaign down to his never-ending fight for practical legislation. He spoke at length (especially when irrelevant to The Beet’s questions) against out-of-touch Democrats, talked about growing up on a farm and insisted that he knew Wisconsinites better than his opponent and could actually work on hot-button issues.
Q: Representative Tiffany, you’ve served Wisconsin in different offices since 2011. What do you think has been the most impactful piece of legislation you’ve passed for Wisconsinites?
A: I think, actually, that it was not something I passed, but when I helped repeal the Mining Moratorium in 2017. Prior to that, anyone who wanted to start mining metallic sulfides had to go through all this crazy red tape put in place by Madison democrats who’ve never actually been to one of these mines.
Q: What are those sites like, then?
A: Well, the miners all have to wear these ridiculous, brightly colored rubber costumes with those masks all those coastal elites were telling us to wear five or six years ago during the “pandemic”, and they have super thick hockey gloves that make a mockery of a fine Wisconsin trade. I ended up convincing one of the guys at one such mine up in Marquette, Michigan to lose them when I told him he had soft hands and asked him which downstate liberal told him he had to look like such a dufus on the job. I mean, I was under the impression that we were sending refined, masculine men into the mines. Not Pennywise.
Q: What happened to him?
A: That’s actually the funny part of that story. After one 16-hour shift, his hands were so cut up and inflamed that he couldn’t go back to work for weeks. He’d been sweating so much under his glove that when he got some of the nickel in the abrasions, it turned into sulfuric acid when it hit the water on his hand and just blanketed the whole thing like icing on a cinnamon roll. Poor guy was lucky I’m in charge of Wisconsin’s worker protections and not Michigan’s. And he didn’t even get disability anyway. I guess, in hindsight, the gloves were probably there for a reason.
Q: You say you promote common sense, Midwestern ideals when fighting for conservative policies in D.C. How have you been bringing the House of Representatives further down to earth and more in line with the reasonable people of Wisconsin?
A: I’m so happy you asked. I’ve actually been having a blast with my peers in Washington as we all are dealing with similar problems in our home states. Everyone is worried about keeping the lights on, clean and safe streets and quality education. All of us in D.C. have lengthy meetings and write miles of bills, and look at what we did! I voted against abortion protections, overturned 2020 election results in two states other than my own and helped pass almost every Trump tariff! Wisconsinites got to put over $3.5 billion back into our economy in just four months!
And, you know, I think the reason I was able to get all this done will also resonate with a lot of Wisconsinites, especially rural ones. I grew up on a dairy farm, and I care deeply about agriculture. That’s why I want to build data centers on every farm! It’s basically trickle-down economics if you squint really hard, turn your head and stand 50 meters away.
Q: To wrap this all up, Representative, if elected Governor of Wisconsin, what policy or bills are you most excited to get passed?
A: The President and I are just itching to get some more old school pro-Wisconsin and pro-America laws passed. Laws that will bring real, tangible improvements to Wisconsinites’ lives and restore some faith in the GOP we’ve been losing downstate. I’m eager to announce upon my election as governor that we’ll be illegalizing gender neutral bathrooms, eliminating bag limits on the North American snapping turtle and I’ll raise Wisconsin taxes so we can send the IDF more missiles.
