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Tuesday, November 29, 2022
Scott Walker

Gov. Scott Walker to appear on cover of ‘ESPN The Magazine’ body issue

ESPN revealed the newest models for its highly popular body issue Monday night, raising many eyebrows when it announced Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker will be featured on the cover of “ESPN The Magazine’s” 2016 body issue.

During a press conference the following morning, an elated Walker, sporting a sleeveless golf polo, told reporters, “It’s nice to finally be recognized for something besides my gubernatorial accolades.”

When pressed by reporters as to what specific accolades Walker was referring to, the unperturbed governor let out a hearty laugh, and with a cheeky grin conceded, “You got me!”

“There comes a time in every man’s life when his biological clock starts to kick in,” Walker continued in his media address. “One morning you wake up and think, goddamn, I’m 48 years old and I’ve only been naked in front five, maybe six people. I just want to thank ESPN for helping me realize my dream.”

An anonymous source from ESPN reported that Walker was “quite the handful” on set, citing the Wisconsin governor’s desire for a full-on nudity shot.

It was reported that shouts of “just the tip” could be heard throughout ESPN’s entire Bristol, Conn., headquarters.

It was also reported that Walker was not the most popular person on set, and was subjected to much abuse from his magazine costars.

One ESPN intern told reporters that a disgruntled Rob Gronkowski found Walker on the phone behind the set doing 50 burpees and admiring his physique in the mirror.

Other costars described Walker as “not chill” and “koala man,” and one even went as far as to suggest Walker skips leg day.

While the photographing process was rough, the end product was not, as the 2016 edition has shattered the pre-order sales records set in 2015.

Even venerable show host Ellen DeGeneres entered the discussion. She called the photos “steamy,” publicly announcing that Walker “might be getting an early Christmas present in the mail.”

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