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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Wednesday, October 15, 2025

Zachary R. Clark


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Other News: Student neglects all social contact in order to play ‘2048’

University Police were called to a campus apartment Wednesday night when a local student reportedly wouldn’t stop screaming “It’s full of numbers, it’s full of numbers!” from within his locked studio apartment. When police arrived, they discovered that sophomore Chip Fredrick had lost his sanity after playing the popular internet puzzle game known as “2048.” According to their reports, Fredrick was staring at his screen, screaming the above phrase over and over while rubbing Peeps into his ears.

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Other News: Incredibly talented masked villian terrorizes NBA

On Wednesday morning, sources from the National Basketball Association confirmed that attempts to apprehend and unmask the unidentified fiend terrorizing Miami Heat home-games had been a spectacular failure. All told, 83 arena security officers and soda vendors were hospitalized in this most recent attempt, creating uproar across the country and demands for government intervention into the situation.

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