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Lent causing local Filet-O-Fish population to near dangerous low
By Mackenzie Moore | Mar. 21, 2022Demand for the McDonald’s sandwich may be endangering the future of the species
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Employee finally allowed to take shift breaks after picking up cigarette smoking
By Mackenzie Moore | Mar. 14, 2022“I went with Marlboros because that’s what they smoke on ‘Mad Men.’”
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Geraldine of ‘Geraldine’s Pick’ named next UW-Madison chancellor
By Mackenzie Moore | Mar. 10, 2022Geraldine will not be sitting in a cushy office in Bascom Hall.
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Fun ways to spend spring break without traveling
By Mackenzie Moore | Mar. 9, 2022Some advice for the poors.
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Sen. Marco Rubio confirmed to be direct descendant of Judas
By Mackenzie Moore | Mar. 8, 2022The new information comes as no surprise to anyone with a Twitter account.
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Who is Poop Johnson?
By Mackenzie Moore | Mar. 7, 2022Ingraham Hall’s captivating mystery has gone unsolved for nearly two months.
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Putin’s response to Almanac article creates massive stink
By Jeffrey Brown | Mar. 4, 2022Putin was reportedly embarrassed to such a degree that he is heavily considering a complete withdrawal from Ukraine.
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Report: Putin ordered Ukrainian attack to prove manliness after being caught drinking a cosmo, listening to Madonna
By Mackenzie Moore | Mar. 3, 2022Nothing says “dominance” like invading an innocent country that takes pride in its sunflowers.
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Exploring the totally legit ways people are informed via social media
By Angela Glowacki | Mar. 2, 2022“If it’s not in the form of one of those cute slideshows on Instagram, I don’t want it.”
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Elden Ring review
By Jeffrey Brown | Mar. 1, 2022Elden Ring is nothing like Marvel's award-winning 2018 action-adventure game.
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Breaking News: Duolingo Owl and Bucky Badger's relationship confirmed
By Angela Glowacki | Feb. 28, 2022Sources reported that Bucky and Duo were stumbling down State Street, paw in wing, haphazardly pushing unsuspecting students off the sidewalk.
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Students petition for more gargoyles on campus buildings
By Jeffrey Brown | Feb. 25, 2022After noticing a lack of gargoyle presence on campus, students are calling for the creatures to be atop every building.
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What different celebrities have for a post-sex snack
By Mackenzie Moore | Feb. 24, 2022No celebrity dieticians here
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Chancellor Becky Blank and Willie the Wildcat seen on hot and heavy Valentine’s Day escapade
By Mackenzie Moore | Feb. 24, 2022Becky Blank and Willie the Wildcat's Valentine's Day outing scars students, further solidifying the fact that this is Bucky's campus
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Woman breaks up with fiancé after discovering he eats Trix cereal — ‘I thought he was a man, not a kid’
By Mackenzie Moore | Feb. 23, 2022After catching her fiance eating the cereal, Stacy Morgan had to face the fact that Trix are for kids.
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Juwan Howard slaps doctor after medical assistant tests blood pressure: ‘I had to protect myself’
By Mackenzie Moore | Feb. 21, 2022Following Juwan Howard's outburst after the Michigan menu's basketball team lost to Wisconsin, previous victims speak out.
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UW campus site of gruesome murder, authorities posit likely cause
By Aycia Tevris | Feb. 17, 2022Cucumber found maimed, foul play assumed.
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Melting, mud-crusted snowman reminds passersby of youth’s fleeting nature
By Mackenzie Moore | Feb. 16, 2022How long do I really have left? Am I closer to being six feet underground than I am to being the age where I woke up on a snow day and played outside before cozying up in a warm blanket, drinking a hot chocolate?
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UW-Madison average GPA, attendance skyrockets after fake IDs fail to scan
By Mackenzie Moore | Feb. 15, 2022Grades and attendance have improved since underage students were left without working fake IDs, but not without cost.
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Couple enters committed relationship after meeting in Kwik Trip candy aisle
By Mackenzie Moore | Feb. 14, 2022"I noticed that he was looking back and forth between the Kit Kats and the Hershey bars. I couldn't help but think, 'If I were this guy's girlfriend, we could buy one of each and share.'"
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