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Stepping on the soapbox: Linguist edition (part II)
By Anupras Mohapatra | Apr. 6, 2022“Anniversaries are YEARLY. You don’t celebrate your birthday every month, do you?”
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Senate determines Supreme Court nominee unqualified
By Jeffrey Brown | Apr. 5, 2022Senators were put off by the lack of either pedophilia or sexual assault allegations.
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The Daily Cardinal to become a dual coloring book, porn mag
By Mackenzie Moore | Apr. 4, 2022Your child is going to see boobs at some point — it might as well be because of us.
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New study finds that 67% of transphobic people self-identify as part of the Confederacy
By Mackenzie Moore | Mar. 31, 2022Much like the South at the end of the Civil War, the irony was lost
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World’s grown-up tomboys tired of clarifying that they’re straight
By Mackenzie Moore | Mar. 30, 2022Is it gay to be warm?
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Will Smith and Chris Rock at the Academy Awards: A Discussion Guide
By Jeffrey Brown | Mar. 29, 2022Lead thoughtful discussion about the far-reaching and long-lasting effects of the comment from Chris Rock and the subsequent slap from Will Smith
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Dog torn between eating Purina Pro Plan Complete Essentials and its own feces for supper
By Will Franken | Mar. 28, 2022“You must not rush decisions that are important to you, for the wrong decision could lead to catastrophe.”
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Where is home, actually?
By Anupras Mohapatra | Mar. 28, 2022"Is it really home when those in power don’t really want you here?"
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Opinion: I am being censored for not wanting to learn
By Jeffrey Brown | Mar. 25, 2022“My opinions are grounded in facts and logic, not books.”
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Students asked to wear chastity belts following return from spring break
By Mackenzie Moore | Mar. 24, 2022“Those who flew down to Florida will have to wear the ‘That’ll let them boys know you’re still daddy’s little girl’ device for upwards of two months.”
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Stepping on the soapbox: Linguist edition (part I)
By Anupras Mohapatra | Mar. 23, 2022Why in THE WORLD does “slip” transform to “slippery” and not “slippy?”
THE BEET
Girl Scouts announce they will be accepting crypto
By Jeffrey Brown | Mar. 22, 2022“Alright, fuck it — we’re doing crypto.”
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Public hearing takes a turn when two senators engage in a pissing match
By Will Franken | Mar. 22, 2022Sources say the reason they didn’t intervene is because they “wanted to see where this thing goes.”
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Lent causing local Filet-O-Fish population to near dangerous low
By Mackenzie Moore | Mar. 21, 2022Demand for the McDonald’s sandwich may be endangering the future of the species
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Employee finally allowed to take shift breaks after picking up cigarette smoking
By Mackenzie Moore | Mar. 14, 2022“I went with Marlboros because that’s what they smoke on ‘Mad Men.’”
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Geraldine of ‘Geraldine’s Pick’ named next UW-Madison chancellor
By Mackenzie Moore | Mar. 10, 2022Geraldine will not be sitting in a cushy office in Bascom Hall.
THE BEET
Fun ways to spend spring break without traveling
By Mackenzie Moore | Mar. 9, 2022Some advice for the poors.
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Sen. Marco Rubio confirmed to be direct descendant of Judas
By Mackenzie Moore | Mar. 8, 2022The new information comes as no surprise to anyone with a Twitter account.
THE BEET
Who is Poop Johnson?
By Mackenzie Moore | Mar. 7, 2022Ingraham Hall’s captivating mystery has gone unsolved for nearly two months.
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