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(10/15/09 6:00am)
Today, during peak Internet-usage hours at a local apartment off
of University Avenue, Junior Alex Rothman came to a disturbingly
apparent realization. Rothman, 20, red-faced and teeth gritted,
stared irately at his Macbook-Pro screen as it struggled to muster
the Wi-Fi necessary to display his Facebook Newsfeed, and suddenly
realized it. ""I'm just not happy when my internet speed falls
below a certain level, just the thought of a total loss of Internet
connection scares me far more than global warming and North Korea
combined.""
(10/09/09 6:00am)
I think everyone can think of a point in their lives where
they'd like to hit the rewind button and completely re-live a
moment of disgrace, stupidity or bad luck. I, having been a
pristine example of how not to do things at many, many points in my
life, naturally think these types of thoughts quite often. However,
I am educated to some degree, and though I've dabbled with the
possibility of time travel, I have never come close enough to
finding anything on the Internet to get my hopes up on the subject
(though I'm still looking).
(10/02/09 6:00am)
""Make sure that the beer—four pints a week—goes to the
troops under fire before any of the parties in the rear get a
drop."" —Winston Churchill to his Secretary of War, 1944.
(09/24/09 6:00am)
Have you ever bought an ""ab-tronic"" off of the TV for sculpted
abs, seen a hypnotherapist for a life change or considered becoming
a scientologist? Then, according to a lengthy study conducted by
several UW-Madison graduate students, you may be a moron.
(09/18/09 6:00am)
It was a warm, breezy night as I wandered through Library Mall
toward my apartment, on my way back from one of my regular Chicken
Wrap and Mojo binges at the Union. As I passed the water fountains
and headed toward the bookstore, I knew what lay ahead of me. The
crazed, pushy pamphleteers would be out in full force, ready to
cram every piece of the world's worries right down my throat. This
is the point at which I usually take a few moments to mentally prep
myself for the roughly 30 seconds of verbal onslaught awaiting
me.
(09/17/09 6:00am)
(09/11/09 6:00am)
There is an invisible menace on the doorstep of
the UW-Madison campus, one that will undoubtedly harm you quicker
than a bath with a couple of high-voltage toasters. I am speaking
of course about H1N1, or as my medically challenged brethren and I
call it, the swine flu. Incredibly, I happened to attend a lecture
last week and was formally warned by my professor of the peril that
lies ahead for students here in Madison. I've always been a sickly
bastard (my grade school nurse and I frequently enjoyed lunch
together), so naturally my timid immune system and I were upset by
this news. After scrubbing down my hands on account of a day of
doorknob onslaught, I decided it would be prudent to seek the
infinite wisdom of the Internet for ways to avoid becoming just
another statistic.
(09/04/09 6:00am)
With my head out the window of my pimped-out Hyundai, I caught
my first few breaths of that fresh Madison air last weekend. The
sun was shining in that perfect way, where with the right pair of
shades everything seemed to please my eager eyes, including the
fresh supply of Madison women. I cringed slightly as I slowed down
near Witte, and the bittersweet thoughts of my freshman housing
experience came crawling into my head. From what I remember of my
first week of freshman year, it was a time full of bat-shit crazy
roomates, awkward, sweaty frat rushes and insatiable thirst. It was
Welcome Week.
(09/04/09 6:00am)
With my head out the window of my pimped-out Hyundai, I caught
my first few breaths of that fresh Madison air last weekend. The
sun was shining in that perfect way, where with the right pair of
shades everything seemed to please my eager eyes, including the
fresh supply of Madison women. I cringed slightly as I slowed down
near Witte, and the bittersweet thoughts of my freshman housing
experience came crawling into my head. From what I remember of my
first week of freshman year, it was a time full of bat-shit crazy
roomates, awkward, sweaty frat rushes and insatiable thirst. It was
Welcome Week.
(03/26/09 6:00am)
As UW-Madison freshman Paul Weigel finished up his classes for
the day, one thing was on his mind: a freshly made pizza from
Gino's. He struggled through the last minutes of meteorology class
and darted out the door before the bell had even finished ringing.
As he entered Gino's, Weigel couldn't help but notice an
unwelcoming change. The booths were mostly empty, and an eerie
quiet filled the air. Confused and a little disheartened, he
wondered why this had happened to his favorite Madison
eatery.