With my head out the window of my pimped-out Hyundai, I caught my first few breaths of that fresh Madison air last weekend. The sun was shining in that perfect way, where with the right pair of shades everything seemed to please my eager eyes, including the fresh supply of Madison women. I cringed slightly as I slowed down near Witte, and the bittersweet thoughts of my freshman housing experience came crawling into my head. From what I remember of my first week of freshman year, it was a time full of bat-shit crazy roomates, awkward, sweaty frat rushes and insatiable thirst. It was Welcome Week.
After a few unnervingly angry honks from behind me, I realized I had stopped completely, so I threw Bessie into gear. Just then a rare thing happened for me: I had an idea. I, in the often sleazy way I operate, would stand outside three prominent freshman housing facilities to ask one question. ""Can you tell us about your week's experience as a freshman at Madison?"" The following are the responses I got from the three people who didn't throw money at me and flee... I made bank.
Name: Willy Crunkston
Location: Witte 9B
Major: Undecided
Hometown: St. Paul, MN
I woke up on the bathroom floor last Tuesday clutching what was left of a shattered bong, and was experiencing what I think might have been the after-effects of a mild concussion. The last thing I remember is my buddy Jim puking up his Jin's chicken, which now resides on the bottom of my right shoe... apparently my new hiking boots just couldn't offer the traction necessary to handle semi-digested chicken on a linoleum floor. Mom's not going to be happy, I guess Officer Jim stopped by while doing the late-night rounds and laid a pretty little yellow ticket by my side. Chalk one up for the man...
Name: Gretchen Platsworth
Location: Lakeshore somewhere
Major: Poetry, Pre-med
Hometown: Sun Prairie, WI
This week has been so exciting! I can't believe how much freedom I have with no curfew! I went to bed early the last few nights because I knew I'd need to be getting on a good sleep cycle for school, but Saturday night was crazy! We had a pizza party on our floor and me and my friends went to State Street to look at all the drunkies. Some rando guy offered me what looked like a funny cigarette, but don't think I've forgotten the founding principles of my 4th grade DARE class. I declined, to which he replied ""your loss chickypoo"" and stumbled his way into the Kollege Klub for some underage drinking. This weekend we're going to have a study jam on our floor where we read up on our first chapters ahead of time to get that extra edge on all the other students! My mom said if I set the curve on every test this year they'll let me stay up and play cards real late with the adults on Saturdays!
Name: Veronica Peterson
Location: Lucky Apartments
Major: Finance
Hometown: Newport, RI
I can't believe how stressful this week has been! First of all I couldn't even fit half my tank tops into the space they call a closet here. I already complained to the management about the space issue, I can't believe they even call this private housing! Daddy bought me a car while in town as a going-away present, but he totally forgot I wanted the Nav system, so now I have to Mapquest my way to the few cocktail lounges here... I swear it's so hard to find some classy establishments in this city. My friends and I are going to pick up a pack of Parliaments and snort some Adderall this weekend and see what happens. Hopefully once daddy upgrades my room I can throw super exclusive parties based on social status, clothing and general good-looks! By the way, you're totally sketch.
Want to be interviewed in a semi-uncomfortable manner? E-mail Andrew at aplahr@wisc.edu.
