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Saturday, December 02, 2023
Commissioner Goodell Madden

Best Buy reported record-breaking lines outside its despotic locations as gamers flocked to the game’s midnight release, shattering expectations.

EA’s Madden NFL 18: The Commissioner Goodell Edition involves dodging CTE lawsuits

All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.

The EA sports release of the formerly unreleased gameplay footage of Madden NFL 2018: Commissioner Goodell Edition came out as a slam dunk for the video game production studio. The new game, which involves a highly thought-out and synoptic storyline, involves the more administrative tasks of Commissioner Roger Goodell’s job as NFL commissioner.

“We really tried to make the legal scenes stand out,” a developer said. “The oak backing of the courtroom was a bit difficult to render considering the lighting and camera angles, but we were able to render the mahogany backgrounds a bit better.”

The game’s purpose centers around paying the minimum amount of settlement money to players affected by chronic traumatic encephalopathy, and avoiding at all costs acknowledging the risks and dangers of successive cranial impacts. The game is over when the coffers of the NFL run out.

“The litigation bit was tricky,” Anthony Andrews, a developer at EA sports said. “When we designed Goodell’s office, we had to make sure that the decor looked just right, and had a fitting view from the NFL’s headquarters at 345 Park Avenue, New York City.”

“It is not common that a game takes such a head-on stance,” Andrews said. “We tried to make the players’ emotions as dynamic and intense as possible, especially during the scenes where Goodell is refusing to pay their reparations.”

Goodell’s character in-game has been praised by analysts and gamers alike.

“The emotions, or lack of them thereof, are splendid,” a lead gaming forum wrote. “In the face of heart-rending trauma, disconcerting trends among players, and a cultural swing away from the sport of football, Goodell stands like a limestone statue.”

“Players have been confirming that the NFL games have grown a bit dated in their constant application of football skills to the game,” Andrews said. “The office gameplay, courtroom gameplay, and lengthy journeys via corporate car and Gulfstream jet should add some variety to the Madden experience.”

The NFL and Commissioner Goodell have both declined  the Cardinal’s requests to comment.

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