Pale ale declared official beer of white supremacists
Citing its crisp, hoppy flavor and innately superior coloration, American white nationalists, commonly known as the “alt-right” (and most accurately known as neo-Nazis) declared Tuesday that American pale ale is the official beverage of choice for those wishing to undermine establishment politics and reinstate a dominative American master race.
Richard Spencer, a prominent white nationalist and long-time pale ale drinker, spoke to The Daily Cardinal following the announcement. “This country was founded on the principles of Caucasian liberation and crisp, light-colored beers. We’ve since witnessed a sickening digression toward a multicultural national identity and a country-wide bar scene marred by darker brews like Oatmeal Stout and Belgian Porters,” Spencer said. “It is time for this nation to change. Hail cascade hops! Hail pale ale!”
Sierra Nevada Brewing Company, a popular brewery among racists and non-racists alike, was pleased to have its pale ale appreciated on a national scale, but voiced some skepticism about the association with white supremacy.
“We at Sierra Nevada really don’t see color,” said Ken Grossman, owner and founder of the company. “We dream of a world where beers will not be judged based on their color or complexion, but by the content of their character.”
Across the country, those who oppose white supremacy have been protesting the movement and supporting people of color by boycotting pale ales of all types.
Near press time, a group of right-wing dairy farmers was spotted protesting the decision, claiming that 2 percent milk would’ve made for a more representative beverage.