On Saturday as the Badgers take the field, a new player will be in their midst: Jamelvinrey Whigordent III, a genetic combination of the three running backs James White, Melvin Gordon III and Corey Clement.
After weeks of development, the genetics department is ready to unveil its new creation on the field.
“All three of our backs have great qualities, so I said, ‘How could we get all three guys the ball on the same play?’” said Tom Hammock, running back coach for the Badgers.
“What if we combine them?” head coach Gary Andersen replied.
Andersen immediately contacted Chairman of the Laboratory of Genetics Michael Culbertson about trying to splice the genes of his three best backs into one. Lab technicians took hair samples from each player, and picked which traits to pass on to the new superback. As the embryo developed, it sprouted six arms and legs. The fetus soon grew too large for a petri dish, and was stored in a large vat filled with a nutrient-soup. Experts called it the perfect womb.
“It’s alive! It’s alive! And they said we couldn’t play God,” Culbertson said.
Monday was the final day of incubation, and Tuesday the team ran tests on Whigordent. He ran a 3.83 40-yard dash, could bench press 1800 pounds and uttered his first words, “Double-tight 38 blast-toss.”
His pure speed and his six arms will make him an asset to the team as they face fourth ranked Ohio State on Saturday.
The NCAA responded to these developments Wednesday night.
“As long as a player isn’t getting paid to sign autographs, he can play regardless of how many limbs he has. Besides, the NCAA welcomes the idea of a more expensive, six-sleeved jersey,” NCAA Spokesman Bob Williams said.
