For those of you who don't know, I'm a housefellow down in the Lakeshore area. And as a housefellow, I would just like to say thank you to the university for scheduling Homecoming the same weekend that the majority of this campus celebrated Halloween. I needed that like I needed a good stiff kick to the head.
However, you, the faithful reader, get to reap the benefits of this double booking as we listen in together to a sampling of the messages on my answering machine from that weekend.
Beep! \Hey Matt! It's Mike! It's 9:00! You wanna come to a party on Park?""
Beep! ""Matt, this is Jim. I like 'Big Pimpin' too, but could you tell the guys next door that they've already played it five times in the last hour? Thanks.""
Beep! ""Matt, hey, it's Joe. Is it legal to have a stripper in the den since there are people living in there? Call me back.""
Beep! ""Hi Matt, it's Kenya. Do you have any idea why there's a construction barricade up on fourth floor?""
Beep! ""Hi Matt. This is Sarah from Bradley. I don't really know how to put this, but did you know there's a stripper in your den? Because I've heard that there is, and there's a crowd starting to form outside of the den window.""
Beep! ""WHOOOO! BADGERS! WHOOOOOOOOOOO!""
Beep! ""Matt, Joe. The stripper left, but we think she took Jim's pants. Is there some place we can call about that?""
Beep! ""Hey Matt! It's Mike! It's 11:00! You wanna come to a party on Langdon?""
Beep! ""Hi Matt, Kenya again. There's a guy on third floor in the bathroom who's been in one of the stalls for like a half hour. He just keeps yelling 'There Can Be Only One' and then banging on the stall walls. Would you mind going up there and talking him out of the stall?""
Beep! ""Matt, it's Henry. I left my keys in my room. Can you let me in?""
Beep! ""Hey Matt, it's Henry. Never mind, I just took out the screen and came in through the window. Thanks anyway. Night.""
Beep! ""Hey Matt, this is Larry. Do you know someone threw up in the sink room?""
Beep! ""Hey Matt! It's Mike! It's 12:30! You wanna come to a party on Randall?""
Beep! ""Matt, Joe. The stripper didn't take Jim's pants. Just thought you'd want to know. And did you know someone threw up in the sink room? It really stinks.""
Beep! ""Hey Matt! It's Mike! It's 1:00, party on Randall was a bust, I'm headed to Dayton now, if you want to come out meet me there.""
Beep! ""Matt! This is Jake! Do you know where I can rent a car? I need to get to Sun Prairie to see a girl I met at a party!""
Beep! ""Matt, will you tell the [censored] next door to turn down their bass? It just shook me out of my bed. And why does it smell like vomit in the hall? Man, it reeks like [censored] out there.""
Beep! ""Hey Matt! It's Mike! It's 2:30! You wanna come to a party on Regent?""
Beep! ""Is this the housefellow? I don't go to school here. Is there a bus that runs out to East Towne Mall? 'Cause that's where our hotel is. You know what, never mind, we're just going to walk it. Have a good night.""
Beep! ""Matt! It's Henry! My roommate just woke me up and someone took our [censored] screen out of our window! Should we call the cops?""
Beep! ""Hey Matt! It's Mike! It's 7:00! You wanna go get breakfast?""
OUT!
