The Beet
THE BEET
College student relieved to not be receiving stimulus check
By Mackenzie Moore | Apr. 8, 2021A new round of Covid-19 related stimulus checks are currently being distributed to millions of individuals throughout the United States. While many people are anxiously awaiting the $1400, Rodney Leffler, who was claimed as a dependent on his parents’ taxes, is relieved to not be getting one.
THE BEET
Major Biden cracks under pressure
By Hannah Ritvo | Apr. 8, 2021President Biden’s German shepherd puppy, Major has been making national news headlines all around America for his involvement in two newsworthy biting incidents. While Major has been put on blast for these aggressive acts, no one knows or can possibly understand what the dog has been through.
THE BEET
UW-Madison sees annual spike in 'post weekend denial'
By Owen Shao | Apr. 8, 2021As the weather becomes more pleasant and COVID-19 vaccinations continue to rollout, a surge in weekend festivities can be seen throughout Madison, Wisconsin. Naturally, these festivities include heavy substance abuse in true Wisconsin-fashion. This annual springtime trend can be seen in places such as the “Mifflin Slums,” where the melting snow is steadily replaced with debris from white plastic tables and crushed Natty Ice cans.
THE BEET
Five signs your father is having an affair with Lil Nas X
By Nick Rawling | Apr. 1, 2021The release of the music video for Lil Nas X’s new hit song “Montero” on Friday triggered by far the best internet discourse since Trump has left office — RIP bozo.
THE BEET
Memorial union to give students free MREs
By Mackenzie Moore | Apr. 1, 2021The Memorial Union announced today that students with a green Badger Badge will now be able to receive a free Meals, Ready-to-Eat. While meals are factory made and are not being distributed until the week of April 25, orders must be placed within the next week so that the packages can be sorted into boxes “when the vibe feels right” for the Union employees.
THE BEET
The Boston Bomber Has a Bad Day
By Nick Rawling , Gillian Rawling and James Ma | Mar. 26, 2021Hey Almanac readers! We hope you enjoyed the special edition of our beloved column this week. The Almanac editors would like to opportunity to share some really exciting news: this section now has a podcast! (not at all related to our article published from a few weeks back about another mediocre white guy starting one) We’d love if you’d take a minute to sit back and enjoy 4 of UW-Madisons dullest students talk about random shit.
THE BEET
Double ‘The Bachelorette’ seasons, Double the Fun
By Gillian Rawling | Mar. 25, 2021Double ‘The Bachelorette’ seasons, Double the Fun
THE BEET
Twenty-four hour spring break? Hell yeah!
By Hannah Ritvo | Mar. 18, 2021Stress is in the air. Midterms after midterms are slamming students while they labor through their spring semesters online. Luckily, UW-Madison sensed this stress, and they are generous enough to give us a Friday AND two Saturday’s off of school! When asked about this altruistic decision, the Chancellor told us: “we just knew that a Saturday off would be super relieving for a lot of students — and we’re really really concerned about their mental health right now.”
THE BEET
Joe Biden says he won’t intervene in Tomato Town
By James Ma | Mar. 18, 2021It’s been two years since content creator Leviathan uploaded the iconic “Chug Jug With You” to SoundCloud. The song instantly became a top hit on TikTok and is today considered one of the most influential pop songs of the 21st century. But even more importantly, the song sparked an antiviolence movement with its reference to the ongoing atrocities in Tomato Town and its lyrics encouraging love and peace, like “I really love to chug with you” and “La la la la la ee a.”
THE BEET
Warner Bros announces sexy cut of Space Jam 2
By Nick Rawling | Mar. 18, 2021After intense internet backlash following director Malcolm Lee’s decision to desexualize the image of Lola Bunny in the upcoming remake of the classic 1996 film “Space Jam”, Warner Bros has announced that a triple-X cut of the movie will be released later this year.
THE BEET
Sesh with Becky?
By Hannah Ritvo | Mar. 11, 2021Legal weed? What a game changer. Gov. Tony Evers has released a budget plan that proposes legalizing medicinal and recreational marijuana in Wisconsin. The UW-Madison administration has decided to wholeheartedly endorse this change when it comes.
THE BEET
Interview with Tanner from the Phi Alpha Fraternity
By Gillian Rawling | Mar. 11, 2021As I was browsing Twitter this week, I came across an unfamiliar face in the UW-Madison community. Member of the Phi Alpha Fraternity — notorious for excessive drinking and leaving mounds of trash on the frozen lake after dartys (as well as being completely made up). Tanner Smith left a tweet that piqued my interest: “Listen. If you abolish Greek life, who’s gonna do the dirty work of making Madison objectively worse? This city needs us.”
THE BEET
The plastic pile to recovering from the pandemic
By Ashton Jenks | Mar. 4, 2021The plastic pile to recovering from the pandemic
THE BEET
Nine ways to get UW-Madison vaccinated — with and without force
By Hannah Ritvo | Feb. 25, 2021Every day, vaccination access is becoming more widespread. However, we all know some people who swear they will never get the COVID-19 vaccine. Chad from your business class, the girl on your floor who was a little too into the moon landing being fake or maybe the entirety of PIKE. Thus, the UW-Madison administration must decide if they will make the vaccination a requirement for returning to school in the fall. Here are nine ways Becky and the administration can incentive the student body to get vaccinated.
THE BEET
Donald Trump Bought Some Really Weird Shit
By Gillian Rawling | Feb. 25, 2021The day of reckoning for Donald J. Trump has finally arrived: This week the New York tyrant’s tax returns were released to the public and the Department of Justice is at last able to expose the scamming, cheating scum he really is.
THE BEET
Yet Another Mediocre White Man Decides to Launch a Podcast
By Nick Rawling | Feb. 25, 2021Forced to come of age in an era characterized by near-ubiquitous economic insecurity, ecological catastrophe and the slow collapse of a once-hegemonic empire, UW junior Brett Brungle has decided to confront his bleak reality the only way he knows how to: start a podcast.
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