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NFL MVP exempt from COVID-19 protocols
By Gillian Rawling | Nov. 4, 2021“I really don’t understand what the issue is,” said Rodgers.
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Witte “Shower Shitter” inspires copycat attacks throughout student housing
By Nick Rawling | Oct. 28, 2021All 21 of Wisconsin’s residence halls have reported at least one attack from the legion of shower shitters over the last two weeks.
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Man dismayed after learning that horror movie isn’t based on actual murder
By Mackenzie Moore | Oct. 28, 2021“I was told that the movie was inspired by true stories. Afterwards, I learned that the story was stretched to the point where it was practically all made up.”
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13 Questions I have for Fresh Market Foods
By Sammie Johnson | Oct. 28, 2021Because tis’ the season
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Kyrie Irving, Ben Simmons traded to Flint Tropics
By Mackenzie Moore | Oct. 21, 2021Irving and Simmons are undersold in the NBA trade.
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Target grand opening on State Street ruffles feathers in student community
By Gillian Rawling | Oct. 21, 2021“We used to love to smoke out in front of that empty storefront and now the vibe is completely ruined.”
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Paul Chryst Invites Taliban Fighters to Camp Randall to Help Badgers Prepare for Army
By Nick Rawling | Oct. 14, 2021The fighters told the Badgers that if they can keep Army’s defense on the field long enough, they’ll eventually give up and go home.
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Bucky catches Chancellor Becky Blank with Willie the Wildcat, asks for amicable separation
By Mackenzie Moore | Oct. 14, 2021Becky has been a cheat and Bucky has had it up to fucking here.
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Camp Randall student section to be named after student who swallowed own vomit
By Mackenzie Moore | Oct. 14, 2021Camp Randall student section seats set to be named after nauseated Junior.
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A bold approach to climate change
By Jeffrey Brown | Oct. 7, 2021Ocean demon decides it's in everyone's best interest to accept that climate change will destroy us all.
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Campus Rumor: Chancellor Rebecca Blank is lactose-intolerant, rude to cows
By Mackenzie Moore | Oct. 7, 2021Rebecca Blank is a poser and a fake Wisconsin dairy fan and now everyone knows it.
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Students report wanting to go back on Zoom after actually having to shower now
By Sammie Johnson | Oct. 7, 2021Students have to shower now and their classmates are pissed that they aren’t.
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Michigan Football Coach Jim Harbaugh changes pants for first time in six years
By Nick Rawling | Sep. 30, 2021"I want to look my best for my first ever win in Madison,” Harbaugh explained to reporters.
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UWPD allegedly baiting students into jaywalking with Spotted Cow, New Glarus Brewing Co. now facing shortage
By Mackenzie Moore | Sep. 30, 2021So far, the bait has been very successful. As of Sept. 29, about 30% of the student population has received a citation.
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Pfizer booster encouraged for certain groups, loud eaters asked to refrain
By Mackenzie Moore | Sep. 30, 2021Medical experts have made it very clear — if you don’t consume food quietly as though there are others around you with the ability to hear, you can sit the booster shot (and those in the future) out.
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Texas’ economic growth attributed to sharp increase in hanger sales
By Mackenzie Moore | Sep. 23, 2021While wood is generally considered to be the best material for hangers due to its sturdiness, almost all of the new orders have been for wire hangers.
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Norm MacDonald welcomed to Heaven, immediately sent to Hell
By Mackenzie Moore | Sep. 23, 2021God reportedly told the comedian to “go to Hell.”
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Lila
By Nick Rawling | Sep. 23, 2021A short story and essay dedicated to a beloved cat, Lila, who passed away over the weekend.
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Nicholas Recreation Center to be turned into campus nightclub
By Owen Shao | Sep. 16, 2021Administrative figures within “the Nick” have proposed a solution that would not only reduce the dense population, but contribute to the University's bottom line.
