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(04/30/04 6:00am)
With the end of another school year in sight, the time is near
to begin planning those summer getaways. If you find yourself
heading off for a day of roller coaster-riding merriment at an
amusement park or carnival, here are some helpful tips to make the
most of your excursion:
(04/23/04 6:00am)
I recently heard a blurb on the news about a bishop in Cyprus
proclaiming any proper Christians who vote yes in an upcoming
national reunification referendum will not only disgrace their
homeland, but fall into disgrace with the Almighty-in short, vote
no or go to hell.
(04/16/04 6:00am)
I was initially perturbed when I found \24"" pre-empted by
President Bush's news conference Tuesday, but the moment he used
the phrase ""hidden like 50 tons of mustard gas on a turkey farm""
to describe the possible state of WMD in Iraq, I knew it had been
worth it.
(04/09/04 6:00am)
Ever since last weekend when the powers that be snatched away an
hour of precious sleep in the name of daylight savings, things have
just seemed off. I've been tired, restless and unable to summon the
energy to verbally assail Bush campaign ads with my usual
gusto.
(04/02/04 6:00am)
I recently encountered a disturbing article which indicated this
country's fixation with shielding children from threats to their
self-esteem has jumped the pond and infected a British youth soccer
league.
(03/26/04 6:00am)
Here in this fine swing state, we get to view most of the feisty
television ads from presidential candidates George Bush and John
Kerry. With the debate reaching such intensity so early in the
race, it seems like 30-second spots won't be able to contain it for
long-it's only a matter of time before the candidates start
branching out within the medium.
(03/05/04 6:00am)
While many of us will spend spring break sleeping, watching bad
movies and enjoying markedly unhealthy food and drink, some will be
lucky enough to vacation in foreign lands.
(02/27/04 6:00am)
Initially, the sole interest I had in Sunday's Academy Awards
was confirming last year's best actor and my fictional love, Adrien
Brody, would indeed be presenting. That was until I came upon some
highly intriguing information concerning this year's coveted
presenter gift bags.
(02/20/04 6:00am)
Hold your scorn the next time a neighbor's incoming text message
interrupts one of your lectures-it just might be from Jesus.
(02/06/04 6:00am)
Americans like to imagine themselves an enlightened lot who have
embraced diversity, inner beauty and all things humanistic.
However, there still exists a domestic population which remains
stigmatized on the basis of physical appearance: those of us
possessed of markedly light complexions.
(01/30/04 6:00am)
Greetings, my fellow Americans: In light of recent discoveries
by the Mars rovers and the speculation surrounding them, I, the
president of these United States, would like to present an addendum
to last week's State of the Union address.
(01/23/04 6:00am)
If you are one of the many natives and immigrants alike who tend
to find winter in Wisconsin more a wasteland than a wonderland, a
morsel of deliverance is within your grasp.
(12/05/03 6:00am)
Though the holiday season is one of unmatched whimsy and wonder,
it is also one teeming with peril. Fear not, for I have once again
compiled a collection of helpful tips for your perusal:
(11/21/03 6:00am)
As Thanksgiving nears, with it comes a reprieve from classes,
time with family and the annual condemnation by PETA of the
barbarous practice of turkey consumption and the inhumane industry
it fuels.
(11/14/03 6:00am)
Though I am a fan of the Friday Forum on the Opinion page, I am
afeared that considerable entertainment potential is being
squandered. Letters to the editor which serve as useful means of
participation in public dialogue are all well and good, but the
letters I relish from my youth in small-town Wisconsin are of a
different sort; a sort not indentured to usefulness, relevance or
even coherence.
(11/07/03 6:00am)
Something odd is unfolding in the Japanese toy industry. The
country's declining birthrate is leading to a corresponding
decrease in its traditional clientele-children.
(10/31/03 6:00am)
All Hallows Eve is again upon us, the night when the dead are
said to set forth from their sepulchers and amble among the living.
So, what should you do if, after the alcohol fog lifts around
Monday or thereabouts, you find that an errant wraith has wandered
into your residence and decided to stay?
(10/10/03 6:00am)
From the earliest known writings to the cutting edge of modern
science, humanity has been enamored with the idea of attaining
immortality. Geneticists today think it feasible that, through the
application of their craft, the human lifespan could one day be
extended to-I kid you not-500 years.
(10/07/03 6:00am)
The Tibetan Monks of Drepung Loseling Monastery will be at the
Memorial Union today through Friday, performing the sacred Buddhist
tradition of creating and destroying the mandala.
(09/26/03 6:00am)
When the joyless myopia of life starts to get to me, I often
find myself searching out \oddly enough"" news stories on the
Internet. Last week, whilst trolling for amusement among them, I
came across one that resonated with such pure gallows humor that I
could not let it go unshared.