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(05/06/09 6:00am)
After writing my column for two years, it's time to say goodbye.
Although all I really want to do right now is curl up in a ball and
cry while excessively thanking my weekly readers (assuming they
actually exist), I thought a good way to end things would be to
clear up a few misconceptions.
(04/28/09 6:00am)
I don't want to do this, my mom whined from the front
seat.
(04/21/09 6:00am)
While divulging every embarrassing detail of your personal life
at the expense of your relationships, privacy and dignity once a
week for two years may seem like a simple task, but it actually
requires quite a bit of dedication.'
(04/14/09 6:00am)
I don't think anyone can deny that communication technology is
advancing exponentially, eliminating the likelihood of dialing a
wrong number or contacting the wrong person, whether via phone,
iPod or rocks on window.
(04/07/09 6:00am)
On March 20, 2009, the Wall Street Journal printed an article
about a new trend among middle-schoolers: smoking Smarties. To
imitate smoking, students crush the candy into a fine powder, pour
it into their mouths and blow out the dust. The following are
confiscated correspondence from kids caught passing notes in Ms.
Tayler's eighth-grade class.
(03/31/09 6:00am)
Welcome to Facebook
(03/24/09 6:00am)
Like most siblings with a five-year age gap, my brother and I
got off to a rough start. When he was two and I freaked out because
he stole my genius idea of Beanie Baby bungee jumping off the
balcony, which had more of the effect of Beanie Baby suicide, I
locked myself in my room crying for hours.
(03/10/09 6:00am)
Something scary happened while I was waiting in line outside
Madison's. My friend Erik just started bouncing at Madison's, so a
couple friends and I decided to check it out.
(03/03/09 6:00am)
A few months ago, after a particularly lengthy phone
conversation with a sexually frustrated friend, I decided her
exploits would be the perfect ice breaker while driving with my
brother on the way to lunch. I knew he'd listen because, well, I
was driving, and everyone realizes my driving is a delicate state
deserving of the utmost respect and fear.
(02/24/09 6:00am)
For different people, the end of winter means different things.
For some, it's the end of restricting clothing and the start of
showing off (or admiring) those long legs in tiny, floral-print
skirts. Others see it as being that much closer to a three-month
hiatus from school. And then there are always the few who wake up
from a long slumber and emerge groggily from the fertile soil. But
those are mostly bears.
(02/17/09 6:00am)
Two weekends ago I flew to St. Louis with my boyfriend to
celebrate his parents' 25th wedding anniversary. To my dismay, a
few days before we set off, my boyfriend Jeff informed me that we
would be accompanying his parents to synagogue where they would
receive a special anniversary blessing.
(02/10/09 6:00am)
Hey guys, so I was like, so bored last night and decided to fill
out one of these totally stupid 25 random thingies thing about me,
or whatever. So yeah:
(02/03/09 6:00am)
Last Saturday, my boyfriend and I decided to celebrate the heat
wave of two degrees below freezing instead of 22 degrees with some
wholesome, winter-sport fun. We went ice skating.
(01/27/09 6:00am)
About one month ago, I became a mother. Not the kind of mother
with permanent stretch marks - no, I still have seven or eight
years until I pop one out of my uterus - but a mother to someone
else's child. A guinea pig, to be exact.
(01/27/09 6:00am)
About one month ago, I became a mother. Not the kind of mother
with permanent stretch marks - no, I still have seven or eight
years until I pop one out of my uterus - but a mother to someone
else's child. A guinea pig, to be exact.
(12/09/08 6:00am)
In today's world, it's very hard to maintain integrity in the
workplace. With so many distractions and underhanded tactics, it's
very difficult not to sell out and choose money-making tactics over
the dignity of your career.
(12/02/08 6:00am)
As I settled into my seat on the Van Galder that would take me
from O'Hare to Madison at the end of Thanksgiving Break, I made
myself as unattractive as possible in the hopes of getting both
seats to myself.
(11/25/08 6:00am)
I've been a vegetarian since I was 5. What happened was fairly
simple. My mom read a book to me that was marketed to children but
was actually very sophisticated in content. The book basically
described a young girl dipping her hands in the blood-soaked pot
containing dead eels being prepared for food.
(11/18/08 6:00am)
Last week, I started watching a new reality show - Enrollment
Frenzy"" - where five strangers at one university grapple with one
incredibly inconvenient timetable. The prize: getting the classes
you need to graduate.
(11/11/08 6:00am)
After a rather stressful midterm season, I decided to reward
myself with a mentally detoxifying massage. What I got, however,
was nothing more than the realization that there are still people
in this world crazier than I am.