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(05/04/10 6:00am)
Well folks, it's been real. This is officially the last column
from One in a Jillian and I can't say I haven't gotten a little
weepy thinking about not seeing my face (and cleav) in The Daily
Cardinal ever again. I know, I know, you're going to miss me
too.
(04/27/10 6:00am)
As graduation draws closer—terrifyingly close—and my departure
from Wisconsin becomes more imminent, my yearlong effort to grow up
and become a full-fledged, responsible adult becomes less about
choice and more about necessity. Over the weekend, I decided the
time had come to make a big step into adulthood: the purchase of a
new car.
(04/19/10 6:00am)
As the academic year draws to a close and the total number of
weeks of class remaining can be counted on one hand (or foot if you
don't have hands or happen to be wearing mittens), my desire to
write interesting or entertaining columns has begun to wane.
(04/13/10 6:00am)
After spending all of last week being regaled with stories about
sandy white beaches, margaritas served in foot-long tubes, karaoke
clubs in China and all the glory that was Spring Break 2010, I
decided I'd had enough. I'm not really good at the whole ""be happy
for your friends"" thing; I'm much more of a ""fight fire with
fire"" person. I gathered my troops, planned and booked a seven-day
getaway to Mexico. Take that PCB-ers.
(04/07/10 6:00am)
Dieting is really hard when your favorite thing in life is food.
Ask Oprah... or Kirstie Alley. I doubt two people have ridden the
Fight Fat roller coaster harder or more frequently than those two.
After millions of dollars worth of endorsements, supplements,
personal trainers and gym equipment, they still haven't figured out
any secrets to long-lasting weight loss.
(03/23/10 6:00am)
Athleticism is not really my thing. I can't run fast. I can't
catch. And throwing isn't really my strong point either. In high
school I was a swimmer—a good one, thank you very much—because
swimming is the only sport that doesn't require any one of the
three previously mentioned talents. And I was a cheerleader. But
that had more to do with wanting access to both the football and
basketball teams on a daily basis.
(03/16/10 6:00am)
I am a/an _______ eater. Fill any adjective in the
blank—emotional, bored, drunk—and it's an accurate descriptor. And
I think it's hereditary. Look at any member of my immediate family
at any point in time and there's about a 97 percent chance that
they'll have some kind of foodstuff either in mouth or in hand.
(03/09/10 6:00am)
Sometimes I wonder if my girly wiring is a little off. Instead
of melting my heart and making my uterus glow with warmth, every
time I look at a baby, I feel my arteries tighten and waves of
nausea crash through my body. Seeing pregnant women is even
worse.
(03/02/10 6:00am)
Some people don't understand the value of commercials. These
people believe they should be able to watch their favorite TV shows
or sporting teams play without interruption.
(02/23/10 6:00am)
Everyone has something about themselves that they hate. With
some people, it's a physical thing. For others, their issues might
run a little deeper.
(02/16/10 6:00am)
Last week, the female-oriented cable network Oxygen decided that
once a week was just not enough of ""The Bad Girls Club,"" so much
to my delight, they ran a marathon. Episode after episode of
sexually frustrated, trashy, drunk women. Quality entertainment.
But then... I realized: ""The Bad Girl's Club"" is pretty much my
life on TV. It's like someone has sneakily been watching me over
the last 21 years and thought, ""Wow. This kind of shit needs to be
on TV!"" And thus, the show was born.
(02/09/10 6:00am)
Last week when my roommate told me that her friend Neha Suri was
going to die from bacterial meningitis I was overcome with sadness
and shock. I decided I wanted to write a column about trying to
deal with grief or trying to understand how something like this
could happen.
(02/02/10 6:00am)
When I watch movies or read books and hear stories about people
who see their lives flash before their eyes, I, like most other
reasonable people, think they're out of their minds (or are on a
mind-altering substance that immediately makes the story completely
unbelievable and me completely jealous).
(01/26/10 6:00am)
At the beginning of last semester I learned that one of my
friends, we'll call her ""Sally"" to avoid revealing her true
identity and causing her utter humiliation, was moving into the
Lucky Apartments. Half-jealous and half-shocked, I jokingly said,
""Well, I'll probably see you at graduation then,"" confident she
would disappear into the abyss that is that monstrous,
block-consuming building. When Sally insisted that she would remain
her normal, middle-class, Midwestern self I had my doubts, but I
decided to give her the benefit of the doubt.
(01/19/10 6:00am)
Every year the first day in January marks the beginning of a new
year and millions of fat peoples' diets across the country. I
myself am not immune to the ""I promise to get fit and lose
weight"" resolution virus and have promised that this will be the
year when I stop eating entire packages of Oreos in a single
sitting and acknowledge that onion rings dipped in ketchup do not
count as two servings of vegetables.
(12/08/09 6:00am)
The thought of growing up scares the shit out of me. In fact,
the only thing that scares me more is thinking about being old.
(12/01/09 6:00am)
Freaking ""Farmville"" is ruining my life. For 12 of the past 24
hours I have harvested, plowed and seeded an imaginary farm. With
the remaining 12 hours of the day, I slept for 10 hours, ate food
(that strangely resembled my ""Farmville"" crops) and popped a zit
on my boyfriend's ass.
(11/18/09 6:00am)
Romance is not my thing. Some people like it, some don't. I am
in the latter category. Sure, flowers are nice, chocolate is
better, but I'd rather have a six pack of Spotted Cow and a slice
of Ian's any day.
(11/10/09 6:00am)
Tuesday afternoon marked a momentous occasion in my life: my
first encounter with reality television.
(10/28/09 6:00am)
Facing moral dilemmas typically creates extremely difficult
situations for me, not only because I have no morals, but also, I
lack any kind of decision-making skills whatsoever.