Last week when my roommate told me that her friend Neha Suri was going to die from bacterial meningitis I was overcome with sadness and shock. I decided I wanted to write a column about trying to deal with grief or trying to understand how something like this could happen.
For the last week I thought about what I would say and whether it would even be OK to write a column about someone I knew through social circles, class and the Cardinal but never actually befriended. Now sitting here, trying to put my thoughts to paper, I find myself unable to write anything.
At Neha's memorial service I found myself wondering, ""What would Neha think of all of this?"" There was no way to know what Neha would have wanted, because no 22-year-old ever sits down with their friends to have a conversation about what their wishes are for when they die. And I am most certainly not suggesting that every 20-something sit down with their roommates and start a conversation about burial wishes, as there is absolutely no reason to think about or dwell on anything that stressful and sad.
It's just so hard to even think about a life getting cut that short. Neha's life was filled with promise and potential that will tragically never be realized. I can't even imagine not being able to finish all of the future plans I have dreamt up for myself... there are just so many things that I have yet to do and need to do before I die.
Neha had an incredibly close circle of friends, lovingly named her Bassett Family. My roommate Elise is a member of that family and told me over the weekend that after Neha fell ill and passed away they assembled a group Bucket List they intend to accomplish before the end of the semester. And it struck me as a great idea.
I think everyone probably has some kind of mental list of things they want to accomplish in their life, whether it be something extreme like skydiving or bungee jumping or something more grounded like getting married or starting a family. My own Bucket List is extremely long and full of random desires: live in London for a few years, take a wine tour in Napa Valley, hold a koala, date a celebrity (preferably one of the Justins)... lots of things.
Neha's death has served as a sad but needed reminder that I need to start living every single day like it could be the last one I have. As cliche as it sounds, it makes me very uncomfortable thinking that I could die tomorrow and all I've done today is sit on my couch, skip all my classes because of a post-Super Bowl hangover and write this column. I'm obviously not going to run a marathon every day or go parasailing, but I'm going to start making a concerted effort to spend all of my time doing things that I love with the people whom I love.
I already talk on the phone with my father almost every day (I'm pretty much obsessed with him), but I go weeks without speaking to some of my very best friends and my older sister. I know that most of the people in my life are very busy, but I'm going to set aside some time every day to talk to the people I can't see as much as I'd like to.
Obviously I still have to go to work and class (although considering I'm 0 for 3 on classes attended today, that might be hard to accomplish), I will spend less time stressing, crying and fighting and more time laughing and loving my life that I am so truly blessed to have.
I'm not sure what items are on the Bassett Family's Bucket List, but I hope they accomplish every single thing they set out to do. I think it's a wonderful, inspiring idea.
Neha's friends loved her completely, and her illness and death have made that very apparent. Their lives will undoubtably change forever, but hopefully they will grow and become stronger individuals. As difficult as it is to try to overcome grief, I know that their love for one another will be enough to get them through the semester and the rest of their lives, wherever they may end up. I admire their incredible strength and dedication to one another.
I'm not entirely sure why I wanted to write a column about Neha so badly; I think it's the only way I know how to thank her for reminding me how lucky I am. To have my friends and family. To have love. To have life.
Would you like to share your Bucket List with Jillian or make a suggestion for her own list? E-mail her at jlevy2@wisc.edu.
