All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.
The Associated Students of Madison (the student government, dumbass) met with a team of half a dozen private consultants Wednesday, who spent a four hour meeting trying to convince the ASM they should vote for a $3 billion renovation to include “comfier seats” and a “more visible, digital sign” at the SAC building (333 East Campus Mall), a building so young it can’t vote or serve in the military.
Some of that was exaggerated for comedic effect, but this meeting did happen, and several private consultants did suggest that the SAC building, built in 2008, the building in the image above the headline, was too hard for students to see and needed a digital sign in front of it, as well as nicer seating arrangements and better kitchens.
Also, the ASM told The Daily Cardinal and The Badger Herald not to send reporters to the meeting, so their dirty dealings couldn't be exposed to the public. While The Badger Herald (allegedly) didn’t send a single reporter to the immensely important meeting of the almighty ASM, the Cardinal sent five! What’s crazy is that this is completely true! This isn’t even satire, they really told us not to come! This is the Watergate, the Pentagon Papers, the Abu Ghraib of our time! Spread the word, don’t let the private consultants win!
Dominic Violante is The Beet editor for The Daily Cardinal.
