Christ isn’t the only thing rising this Easter! This week, Pfizer, the company behind Viagra, announced a special Easter edition of the infamous blue pill.
Beyond being shaped like a little blue egg, Easter Viagra has something special in store. While there’s no immediate effect upon first taking the pill, you will be in for a surprise as pleasant as Jesus’s Resurrection. It may take some patience, but three days after ingestion, you can expect your you-know-what to be up and alert as if risen by the hand of God.
“Easter is a time of celebration,” said the company in their announcement. “And what better way to commemorate one of the most holy days in Christianity than with a cock as hard as the stone covering Jesus’ tomb.”
And you can ignore warnings about calling your doctor if the erection lasts longer than four hours; these little babies will last for 40 days and nights.
This isn’t the first time a company has released products around Easter. McDonald’s famously created the Filet O’Fish sandwich to increase in order to retain business during lent.
“We definitely look at this as an opportunity to help men celebrate the occasion even if the carrot is a little stewed, the eggs are a little hard boiled and the basket quite frankly feels like it was woven from strips of cheap wood,” Pfizer representatives added. “Spring is the season of fertility and we want to do our part to help men bust as many loads as they can.”
Jeffrey Brown is a former Arts Editor for the Daily Cardinal. He writes for The Beet occasionally and does some drawing and photography too. He is a senior majoring in Sociology. Do not feed him after midnight.
