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Friday, March 29, 2024
The Double U

The entrance of the UU after its staff has tirelessly worked to wipe away the memories of last night and make the pavement at least a bit less upchuck-y.

Madison’s University Ave. most puked upon street in America for seventh straight year

All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.

MADISON, WI — Extending on its already record streak, University Avenue in downtown was recognized as the most puked upon street in the US by the Princeton Review for the seventh year in a row.

“It’s not the best award we could have won, but it isn’t the worst either,” Madison Mayor Paul Soglin said. “Right?”

Not only did the isthmus thoroughfare retain its title, but it did so with record margins. The annual study conducted by Princeton Review found the 600 block set individual and national marks for both frequency and volume of vomit.

Experts speculate that the full year of operation from the bar DoubleU is responsible for the uptick in upchucks. 

“People are constantly throwing up outside our bar,” an anonymous DoubleU manager said. “We are known for having long lines. Unfortunately, many people are puking in line.” 

Many Madisonians expect State Street to be the most regurgitated upon part of Madison, but that is a common misconception.

“State Street is number two,” Soglin said. “In 2014 it almost passed ‘Uni, but I think more people puke inside the bars there, rather than outside.”

Conductors of the annual report, known as “The Spew Review,” noted that most college towns present a challenge.

“Columbus, Tempe, Ann Arbor, those places are messy,” reviewer Eric Leftwich said. “But none of those compare to Madison. I considered wearing rain boots after what I saw in 2012.”

Soglin estimates that the city’s tight concentration of bars is the culprit rather than the party reputation of the city and nearby University of Wisconsin campus.

“If you have the most bars, you’re gonna have the most puke,” Soglin said. “It’s simple math.”

The review found nearby Langdon Street to be ninth in hurls per block. The corner of Frances and West Johnson St, outside of The Nitty Gritty bar, was found to have the highest volume of upheaval for any intersection nationwide.

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The Princeton Review does not conduct studies of vomit in residence halls, and the UW Division of Housing declined to release their records to The Daily Cardinal.

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