Stumbling through a room full of girls he had failed to get the numbers of, Matt Blaker, a UW-Madison freshman, had one task on his mind: successfully convincing his parents that he was anything but partying.
Correspondents on the scene of a Mifflin Street house party last Friday night reportedly overheard bits and pieces of a disgruntled phone call he was engaged in at 1:45 in the morning.
“I don’t think he realized that anyone talking to him over the phone would have heard Kanye West playing in the background,” said a field reporter.
“It was a mess,” another correspondent stated. “Aside from mispronouncing ‘psychology’ three different times, he kept reaffirming how useful his lanyard had been in the past couple of weeks.”
“It was really annoying,” said Matt’s roommate Paul, “getting a call from [Matt’s] parents, asking if he was doing something stupid. I didn’t have the heart to tell them that he’s always doing something stupid.”
Eyes on the scene reported that beforehand, Matt had been following his only friend at the party around “like a lost puppy.” However, according to his 76-second-long Snapchat story, Matt Baker found the experience “LIT AF.”
The next morning, when asked about how he felt the phone call went, Matt’s only words were “I am never drinking again.”
