Skip to Content, Navigation, or Footer.
The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Wednesday, November 29, 2023

‘Cam Newton is childish,’ says grown man who watches sports for a living

All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.

Following Cam Newton’s abrupt exit from a Super Bowl press conference, ESPN anchor Kevin Mendelson, who watches sports for a living, described the Panthers QB’s actions as “childish,” according to multiple sources.

Newton left the press conference without an explanation. Mendelson, who is paid large amounts of money to watch full-grown men ram into each other for the entertainment of other full-grown men, was bothered by this move.

“I thought it was pretty immature,” said Mendelson, who each Friday adds sound effects to his favorite sports play of the day, for which he is paid six figures.

The perceived lack of respect for Mendelson’s profession bothered the reporter, who had some really super important questions to ask. 

“I didn’t get a chance to ask him how he felt after reaching the pinnacle of achievement in his sport, only to give a disastrous performance with millions of people watching and walk away defeated,” said Mendelson. “Now we might never know.”

After Newton left Mendelson reportedly went to ask Peyton Manning a few questions, but the Broncos QB had already left.

“The dedication Manning has is unbelievable,” Mendelson was heard saying. “He has no time for press conferences. He’s probably already planning for next season. I really admire that work ethic.”

At press time, multiple reports stated Mendelson had left the press conference to go tape a segment of his hit sports show “SPORTS,” where two anchors decide who is right about a sports controversy by seeing who can yell about it the loudest.

Support your local paper
Donate Today
The Daily Cardinal has been covering the University and Madison community since 1892. Please consider giving today.

Powered by SNworks Solutions by The State News
All Content © 2023 The Daily Cardinal