Late Friday night senior Brian Milton stumbled out of McKinley’s Irish Pub and let out a hoarse yell of “freshman!” at recent high school grad Liam Hamill with a look of deep satisfaction bordering on Zen-like peace.
Cardinal reporters enjoying a drink at the local pub took the opportunity to interview the upperclassman who was swelling with pride at his recent assertion of alpha dominance.
“This needed to be done, it was inevitable the moment he didn’t avert his eyes and lick my feet when we crossed paths. The lack of respect with these freshman lately is disgusting,” slurred Milton. “When I was a freshman I sacrificed my mother to a senior out of complete fear.”
When reporters finally coaxed the trembling Liam out from under a nearby Jeep, he apologized for his blatant arrogance and lack of reverence he showed to the venerable senior and received a punishment of 50lanyard lashes to be carried out at a time of Milton’s choosing.
At press time, Milton had cooled off enough to tell reporters that “this new wave of incoming students was a nuisance and needed to be pruned with the shears of seniority” bestowed upon him from three years of inferiority.
