All I wanted was a bunch of cheap tacos. That’s why I went to Chaser’s that night. Not to get drunk, not even to have fun, just for mildly good, cheap food. And up until right before I walked out I was successful in that endeavor. But then he did it. Some guy who I will never know, never be able to confront, never be able to pick out of a crowd, grabbed my girlfriend’s butt. I became immediately anxious, confused and enraged, unsure of where my emotions were or where they were taking me. I looked to her and yelled, “Who did this?” The bar, however, was too crowded for even her to identify the man who had violated her. Probably prompted by the look of shock on my face, she leaned in and said, over the noise, “this kind of stuff happens all the time.”
I had no idea what to say to her. In that moment, am I supposed to strictly comfort her? Am I on the hook for apologizing on behalf of my gender? I didn’t know, so I didn’t say much. All I could think of were the countless times I had told her that I would always protect her and that I had ultimately broken that promise that night.
As I calmed down later, though, my mind came back to the last thing she said while we were in the bar. That college-aged men sexually assaulting young women wasn’t just a problem we hear about on the news and, more and more frequently, in our Wiscmail inbox, but a common occurrence. Beyond that, I began to think of all the times I had heard men my age make sexually degrading “jokes.” This was, of course, something that I was aware of before, but I became sick thinking that it took something like this for me to put it in the correct context: to view it in a personal light.
This campus has been wrestling with the problem of sexual assault for many years. The volume of this conversation has increased recently with the publication of articles in campus newspapers denying the existence of rape culture and with controversies surrounding victim shaming on sexual assault notification emails from UW Police and the administration. But for me, that’s all it’s been: a conversation.
Now, I am coming at this from a perspective of an individual that belongs to a group that, historically, has not had to worry about sexual assault or sexual violence being committed against them. So, I realize that this issue has been much more than a conversation to many people on this campus and around the world. But in case you haven’t noticed, the perspective that I am coming from, that of a white, heterosexual male, is a pretty common one at UW-Madison.
I was struck thinking about what little thought many of the members of this group have probably given to sexual assault, let alone enough to personalize it. Sexual assault is one of the most pressing issues facing our student body right now. It is something that affects all students in one way or another, so all students should take the time to care about it.
It is certainly the responsibility of the university to take a more active role in combatting this. However, at the end of the day sexual assault will still remain one of the most difficult crimes to prove. As a result of this, the onus is on us, the students, to take a stand. Look out for each other, and take it personally when someone does something this atrocious. Do your best to make sure that person is punished. Because even if you have never been the victim of sexual assault, if you are a student on this campus, as unfortunate as this sounds, you probably know and care about someone who has.
So, to the guy who grabbed my girlfriend’s butt at Chaser’s: you are a vile, disgusting human being who should be held accountable for denying young women on this campus the opportunity to be comfortable while they are trying to have fun with their friends. You are a disgrace to this university and to this community. But I don’t even know who you are. So, all I can do is hope and pray that if you ever do something like that again, an onlooker takes it personally enough to identify you and give your victims the justice they deserve.
Max is a senior majoring in political science and pursuing a certificate in educational policy studies. What do you think of his perspective? Has he left certain elements out of the conversation? We would like to know what you think.Please send all comments to opinion@dailycardinal.com.
