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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Tuesday, May 30, 2023

The Dirty Bird: Inappropriate articulation: Talk dirty to me

“Daddy likey that cream!” “I’m going to drill you so hard until you turn into cookie dough!” “My penis is going up and down, up and down.” “There must be a sexy no matter what.”

The above are a collection of dirty-talking gaffs. You may laugh at them now, but use them only as examples of what not to do, ya feel?

Readers ask me all the time how best to incorporate dirty talk into their love life, so here’s the low down on, as Jason DeRulo says, talking dirty. 

Encouraging dirty talk

Some people aren’t immediately turned on by or interested in engaging in dirty talk. We certainly can’t force anybody to do anything they aren’t comfortable with, however there are sneaky ways of easing into dirty talk that make it seem like the completely natural part of sex that it is!

Watching porn with our partners, which I am always an advocate of, can help us understand what kind of dirty talk we’d both prefer. Do we like to role-play that we’re other people in different situations? Do we like to create a dominant/submissive atmosphere? Or do we just want to tell each other how great we feel during sex? These and many other options for the low price of just one free porn site! It’s a Christmas miracle!

As with anything, we want to make sure we’re getting hard consent before we engage in big-league kinky dirty talk. Screaming “choke on it, bitch” without the proper consent is a no-no, so we should make sure to ask first.

If we’re too shy to talk about what kind of stuff we’d like in person, we can always revert to “pansy communication,” or texting, as I like to call it. It can be super hot and anticipatory to “sext” our partners around bar time and tell them what we’d like them to do to us. Texting things like “I want you to sit on my face and call me names” can be a super hot introduction to a night of debauched dialect.

How to actually dirty talk

Nike. Just do it!

To start, we should talk about the way we physically feel using all of our senses. Starting sentences with phrases like “It feels so good when you…” or “I love the way you taste when…” are a super easy way to heighten the mood and can really turn our partners on.

Asking them questions about the way they feel can get them involved immediately and is a sure-fire way of understanding what they want. How hot is that?!

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Turning on your bedroom voice

Sex changes the chemistry of our body (so cool). It affects the way we smell, the way our skin tastes, even the way we experience different sensations. What sometimes gets left out is the way we sound when we talk.

Cultivating a distinct bedroom voice can be a super fun way to condition our partners into being turned on. If we talk with the same voice each time we bone, we can make our partner super turned on when we use it outside the bedroom. 

Getting our partner used to a raspy, low voice that we turn on during sex and then using it around them during a study date, they’ll be rearing to get the heck out of the library and get you home as soon as possible. 

Examples of delicious dirty talk

“What do you want me to do to you?” or “Do you want me to…” can be really hot ways to find out just what our partner is in the mood for.

Name calling. Using words our partners are comfortable being called can help us role-play and enhance our experience tenfold. Using words connected with power differentials can help us feel more dominant or submissive in the bedroom, however they must be used with consent and care. Calling our partner “slut,” “whore” or “bitch” can be super hot. Likewise, using powerful names like “sir,” “master” and “madam” can be a big turn-on when playing the submissive. 

If we’re not ready to call our partner “sir” or “bitch” right away, we can always use baby steps. Calling our partner “babe” or “hun” or even using their name can be just as powerful. Those terms of endearment can increase the intimacy we bring to banging. 

“Beg me for it.” Knowing our partners are so turned on by us that they would literally beg, sometimes on hands and knees, for our goodie bits can be hot as all hell. Knowing how desperate we are for some dee or vee can be just as hot and can also elicit those power roles that are so damn sexy.

“That’s right, just like that.” Yes, it’s true! Encouraging our partners to keep making us feel fucking fantastic can be a sexy form of dirty talk!

More questions about dirty talking? Email to get Alex’s professional opinion.

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