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Sunday, June 23, 2024
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Maxwell D. Levine claims he lives off campus with his wife and children. But his students aren’t buying his story.

 

Reclusive professor to speak publicly for first time in two days

Prolific history professor and notorious recluse Maxwell D. Levine shocked students Tuesday when he announced he would “see them on Thursday.” 

Although the professor has yet to miss a class this semester, the majority of his 93 students reported they would be surprised to see Levine outside his Humanities office. 

“He seems really at home in the building,” said junior Kevin Eckhart. “The students can tell he’s right where he belongs.” 

Dean of Students Lori Berquam confirmed students’ suspicion: According to her, all University of Wisconsin-Madison instructors are required to live in on-campus housing. Professors with seniority are often awarded singles. 

“We usually contain … or, um, house them in Lakeshore, or Barnard as a last resort,” said Berquam. “Levine is one of the exceptions. We let him live in his office.” 

Students believe the solitary hermit enjoys spending absolutely 100 percent of his time in campus’ ugliest building, although Levine denies the allegations. 

“I have a home and a family,” the lonely Ming Dynasty expert said calmly. “We live in Middleton and I drive to campus every Tuesday and Thursday morning.” 

Students acknowledge Levine hasn’t missed office hours once, proving his exclusive relationship with the Humanities fourth floor. 

According to junior Brad Stern, the bed in Levine’s office is a “dead giveaway.” 

“I do not live in my office,” Levine repeated to his class Thursday. His statement was met with guffaws and knowing winks. 

“Oh yeah, he lives up there,” confirmed janitor Sam McHenry. “The door is always locked. With a deadbolt. You almost feel bad for him, all alone up there, day in and day out.” 

At press time, Levine was spotted collecting mail from a P.O. Box labeled 455 N. Park St., Apt. 4118.

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