The World Health Organization announced Tuesday that a diet consisting exclusively of ramen noodles is the healthiest in the world.
This conclusion was reached after a $30 million study led by thousands of the world’s top scientific and medical professionals. The study produced a 373 page report detailing the numerous mental, emotional and physical health benefits of the diet.
“After analyzing the academic success of college students who rely on this diet, we decided to investigate the science behind it,” leading World Health Organization Dr. Jim Andrews said. “Turns out all those crazy kids were even smarter than we thought; this stuff is incredibly good for you.”
Ramen is a Japanese noodle dish generally cooked in a meat or fish flavored broth. The report also noted that while all variations of the soup are phenomenal, American brand Maruchan ramen noodles are the healthiest of all.
“This shocking discovery will likely have profound effects on both the US and world economy,” President Barack Obama said “I should have seen this coming all along. Michelle is a health freak and she eats that stuff all the time. Plus, my aides have informed me that Japan has the longest life expectancy of any country in the world.”
Many were surprised at the findings of the study. When asked about the fact that the packaging of chicken flavored Maruchan ramen reads that its contents account for 70 percent of the daily value for sodium and lists almost no beneficial ingredients, Dr. Andrews reminded reporters that, “Americans used to think that McDonald’s was bad for them, too, remember? Trust us. A steady dose of five to six packs per day can only help your all-around health.”
When asked about the recent discovery, Maruchan founder Kazuo Mori said that he had always known his secret, ancient ramen recipe was healthy.
At press time, construction crews in Seattle, San Francisco and Portland were busy demolishing vegan eateries and coffee houses to provide space for animal friendly ramen cafes and restaurants.
