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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Friday, April 03, 2026

Fake News Friday: Freshman certain long-distance relationship is a smart move

University of Wisconsin-Madison freshman Emily Smart claimed to be completely satisfied with her decision to embark on a long-distance relationship with her high school boyfriend Bradley Armstrong, sources confirmed Thursday.

Armstrong, a freshman at University of Wisconsin-Green Bay, and Smart had reportedly been dating for about four months before fall semester started and deemed that the bond they shared was too substantial to be broken by a 145-mile distance.

“I knew things would change once we both moved out of Appleton, but I really like Bradley,” Smart said. “He can make me smile and even knows my five favorite movies of all time.”

Smart’s two older sisters, Ashley and Natalie, also tried making a long-distance relationship work but eventually broke up with their high school sweethearts during Thanksgiving break of their freshman years. They said they realized Madison was filled with charming, attractive single men and that being locked up to some guy from their hometown was “totally not worth it,” according to reports.

Regardless of her sisters’ fate and reasoning, Smart does not question her decision.

“I know Bradley would never consider cheating on me with some girl in Green Bay while highly intoxicated or anything like that,” she said. “I mean, he told me that he likes me a lot, so you know he meant it.”

However, some feel that Smart’s involvement with Armstrong may be limiting her.

“I’m super worried about Emily, and so are all of her friends and our house fellow,” friend Ally Josephson said. “She never leaves the room. She’s either Skyping with Bradley or cutting out paper hearts with ‘E+B’ written on them.”

Smart even acknowledged that more than half of the men on her floor alone are “better looking, more intelligent and funnier than Bradley,” yet she remained adamant in her decision.

When asked about her plans involving Freakfest, Smart told reporters she will be stationed in front of her laptop, logged into Skype. “Maybe Brad will come back to his dorm before 2 a.m. this Saturday!” Smart said while her friends laughed in the background, donning Halloween costumes and preparing for a weekend of revelry.

 
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