Hello friends, and welcome back to Badgerland! As many of you are new to campus and the culture of college, it seems very pertinent to talk about the old V-card. In some ways, the concept of virginity is completely made up, as is most of the shame that accompanies it. However, many people view the whole idea as a rite of passage, something most people do that can open the doors to many possibilities.
Although “sex” means different things to different people, I’m using the word to mean vaginal or anal intercourse. Similarly, “virgin” in this column means somebody who has yet to experience vaginal or anal intercourse with a penis or sex toy. Capisce?
In college, it seems like “everyone’s done it.” I’m here to dispel that myth. As a college junior with a diverse friend group (and an obvious connection with the sexually inclined) I can tell y’all that about half of my close friends have only recently had sex for the first time or have yet to experience sex at all. In fact, more than three quarters of college students have intercourse with zero to one new partner every year. So while it may seem like people are getting laid left and right, we should make sure to do some digging before comparing ourselves to those around us. Pressure’s off!
Let’s say we do want to lose our virginity. Before we’re ready to do the deed, we should discuss a few starting points that can help us get our point started, if you know what I mean. First of all, we need to discuss—say it with me—protection! Whether or not we want to use a condom for our first time is something we should think about. If our partner has been tested for STIs and birth control is taken care of, if necessary, sometimes it’s most intimate to leave certain types of protection out of the equation, as long as we’re prepared.
As Sex Out Loud says, “the wetter the sex, the better the sex!” This is especially true if it is somebody’s first time. In people with vaginas, nerves can sometimes make it difficult for all the juices to flow. Anuses are never self-lubricating, so adding a couple of drops of (condom-safe, if we’re using that method) lube is a must during anal—first time or hundredth. Whatever type of penetration we choose to engage in, lube is always the answer.
Lube can also be a great tool to incorporate into foreplay. By moving lube in and around, up and down our partners’ genitals, we can warm everyone’s body up. Getting ready for penetration can feel stressful for both parties so it’s important to make sure everybody is up for the task, pun intended. So yeah, lube.
So now that our bodies are prepared, time to figure out who we want to experience our first time with. This decision is completely up to us—whether we prefer a good friend who we trust, our partner who we are committed to, or a rando we meet some Saturday night, we get to choose what is right for us. There are advantages to each idea.
For example, a good friend may know what they’re doing or may care about our feelings more than someone we don’t know as well. A partner could understand our physical and emotional needs more than a friend or new person might. A random person could help us get over the hump of “doing it” without compromising our established relationships.
Once we’re with our preferred partner and our bodies are all heated up, it’s time to take the plunge! At Sex Out Loud, we always say the receptive partner should start out on top so they can control the speed and depth of the thrusts. Sometimes first-time intercourse can be painful, so it’s important to be in constant communication with our partners and stay in tune with our bodies so we don’t push ourselves too far.
For those of us who have already had sex for the first time, we can always work on making our next time feel like our first time again. We can always discuss with our partner or partners how to make an old experience feel new, how to get those butterflies back into our bellies.
Just lost your Dirty Bird V-card? To ask Alex anything, email sex@dailycardinal.com.
